


all the words I could never tell you.

by poketa



Category: Glee
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poketa/pseuds/poketa
Summary: Something about the pain of this person resonates within her and that's what makes her follow the account.or Rachel and Quinn start to become close just as she discovers a popular poetry twitter account.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 91
Kudos: 182





	1. the discovery of life

**Author's Note:**

> i like poetry and the theme of repression - it just made sense to mix them together and write something like this. I'm still wondering if i will write more or just leave it like this - comment your thoughts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel finds the twitter account and something seems to shift but she is too happy enjoying life to pay attention.

Rachel is casually scrolling through Twitter when she sees the account.

_all the words I could never tell you._

She clicks into the profile and the follower count surprises her _. 100k._ it's just a poetry account she notes, it's not a famous YouTuber or something but as she starts to read, something clicks within her mind.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_today I saw you entering my dreams but I couldn't let you in._

_the mess I've created has been lingering on the walls._

_and you deserve so much better that whatever I could give you, my love._

Something about the pain of this person resonates within her and that's what makes her follow the account. 

At first, Rachel believes herself to be the only person aware of the account at her school and it feels like a secret to keep safe from others but as she is having lunch, the reality of the popularity of the account, slaps her right in the face.

"Hey, have you read that gayass emo account _all the words I could never tell you_?" Santana asks as she bites down on an apple and Rachel turns to look at her "it's been popping up all over my twitter lately" the latina comments.

Feeling defensive, Rachel replies rather instantly to the comment "I think it's inspiring how this person, whoever they may be, writes down their most loving thoughts to another person and shares them with the rest of the world" 

"Do you have a crush on our favorite nameless emo poet, Berry?" Santana asks with a glint but it's not evil just teasing and the difference it's the tone nor the face Santana makes but the fact that the truce has been long settled between the two of them.

"What if I do?" Rachel counters back and she is mostly joking but there still that little part, deep inside of her, that is being tickled by those words "Jealous?" she teases and Santana frowns.

"As if" Santana replies with a disgusted face but then looks beside herself and Rachel follows the path to the other cheerleaders: Brittany and Quinn, who are walking towards them with different levels of emotions on their faces.

Finally, Brittany greets both of them and Santana quickly gets distracted as they kiss.

“Hey, Quinn” Rachel greets timidly and moves away to give the blonde a place to sit and Quinn frowns slightly but takes it.

“Hey” The head cheerleader says and her tray is mostly empty, just some salad on it, but she holds it tightly on her grasp, like someone could steal it away from her “How are you?” the words seem like it pains Quinn to say them but Rachel grins at the attempt of small talk.

“I'm fairly well, thanks for asking - how about you?” Rachel replies instantly and she knows as much as she tries to subdue her enthusiasm, just something about talking with Quinn, makes her excited and eager to reply “How has been your classes so far?”

“You two suck at small talk” Santana says with a cough before Quinn can reply and both turn to her with different expressions. Quinn looks exasperated and Rachel just shakes her head at the Latina.

“Shut up” Quinn tells her friend before Rachel can speak and she frowns a little as she clears her throat but Quinn just huffs and nibbles on some more leafs from her so-called salad as she looks away.

“We are trying something called an _acquaintanceship_ and I would like it very much, Santana” Rachel says matter of fact as she crosses her arms over her sweater clad chest and looks pointedly at the cheerleader, who looks bored out of her mind “if you would let us be civil to each other and find our own pace while we are at it” 

Brittany perks up at her words and suddenly becomes interested in the conversation as she stops playing with her fruit and moves closer “I totally didn't know you were dating Rachel - when are you two having your first date?” she asks Quinn with an eager smile.

And the silence that follows the table endures all of three seconds just before someone breaks it.

“We are not dating, Brittany” Quinn corrects with a constipated face and Rachel should feel more insulted by her expression but she feels just as confused.

The shorter brunette clears her throat and quickly explains “Acquaintance actually means a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend” and she glances quickly to Quinn, who still has an unreadable expression on her face and she continues as Brittany stares at her “Quinn and I are trying to be friends” she explains simply.

“ _Oh"_ Brittany finally says with a nod and disappointment clear but then shrugs as she goes to her fruit “You two still could make a hot couple” she comments.

Santana laughs and kisses the cheek of her girlfriend instantly as Quinn just huffs and continues eating.

* * *

  
  


_all the words I could never tell you:_

_our hands look like they could fit together_

_and your eyes looks like home_

_the warmness of your soul surrounds me_

_and never leaves me alone_

Rachel finds herself reading older tweets of _all the words I could never tell you_ as she waits for glee club to start. Usually, she would be searching for songs to do at regionals or something but she can't stray her mind away from the little poems.

"Ugh - not you too" Kurt groans at her side and Rachel looks up at him as he settles beside her and looks at her palm, where her phone shows the tweet "Tina is also obsessed with that account" he grumbles as he adjusts his stylish hat "never thought repression would be that popular"

Rachel closes the app and drops the phone on her lap "Well I find it quite moving and inspiring - the intensity of this person and their desire certainly appeals to one's romantic expectations"

"Hopeless" Kurt replies with a shake of his head "I'm surrounded by hopeless people"

"Please" Rachel scoffs and crosses her arms "don't even enter that zone, Kurt - you thought for a while that Finn was _gay_ " 

Kurt sends her an ashamed pointed glare "He's almost my brother now, shut up" 

The rest of the club begins to enter the choir room and the conversation quickly ends.

"Hey, Quinn" Rachel greets her as the blonde enters the room and this time, she gets a little smile her way.

"Hey" Quinn replies back and she even waves a little, before she settles at the other side of the room, quickly followed by Santana and Britney, both who just wave at her, one more enthusiastic than the other.

"Alright - this must be an alternate universe I've entered" the boy beside her suddenly says and Rachel turns to him with a frown "Why are they being nice to you?" He inquires with a whisper but Rachel can't only frown deeper.

"Why wouldn't they?" she replies in the same whisper, trying to not disturbate the meeting as everyone settles at their seats. He scoffs and she replies "she accepted my offer of being friends" Rachel explains with a happy sigh.

"Hey, babe" Finn calls and both break apart as her boyfriend enters the room and Rachel smiles at him.

"Hey, Finn" Rachel greets him and let's him kiss her cheek as he moves down.

" _Gross"_

"Santana" Rachel warns gently and the girl sighs so loudly, it resonates within the room.

"I have a truce with you" Santana replies instantly and her glare is directed towards her boyfriend "not _him_ " 

Finn looks ready to respond and just in time - late as always - Mr. Schue enters the room, closing the space for any altercation as Rachel moves her attention to the assignment and Finn moves to find a place at her other side.

Rachel is aware of someone staring at her, all through practice but she doesn't entertain that thought.

* * *

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_those hands don't belong with yours_

_those lips don't deserve your skin_

_and as much as i want to tell you_

_I'm never going to tell you all these things_

" _Rachel_ "

Rachel looks up from her phone and there stands Quinn with her books, she is biting her lip and the action is more than a little endearing.

"Can I sit here?" The blonde cheerleader asks gently and _gentle_ was never a word she could have linked with Quinn before now but the way she speaks and smiles and _tries_ with Rachel is _gentle_.

"Of course" Rachel replies as she moves her bag away and blocks her phone again. She turns to Quinn and explains "Normally, Tina sits here but she got the flu from Mike and yes - you can" she cuts her rant shortly as she sees the amused expression.

Quinn quirks her eyebrow as she sits and turns to Rachel, after passing her hands over her skirt "Normally I wouldn't be glad for someone getting ill but I'm glad this chair is empty" her tone is teasing and Rachel giggles.

"Yeah, me too" the singer replies and they share a smile that makes Rachel energetic and alive and an idea pops up on her mind "Hey - would you - you don't have to reply now - but would you like to do something, one of these days?" Rachel turns to her book and tries to not leave her hopes up but the offer is there.

More people start to fill the spots in the room as Rachel awaits and tries to not burn the book with her gaze.

"I - I would love to" Quinn replies after a while and Rachel can't help but grin as she looks up from her book to the blonde, who is smiling softly if not a little nervous.

"Magnificent" Rachel replies as she nods with enthusiasm.

"Alright, kids - essay time" the teacher announces as he enters AP U.S History and everyone groans at his words. 

Except the two girls who are too occupied smiling at each other.

"We could talk about _this_ later" Rachel offers as she closes her book and tries to not frown at the interruption.

Quinn seems indecisive for all of two seconds before she gives up "I'll text you" she says with a nod as she looks away to the front of the classroom and changes her expression to one of concentration.

And the teacher starts to speak about the assignment but it's hard to concentrate for Rachel as she replays the words and squeals inside. 

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_smile at me like that again, i'll dare you_

_life won't be the same_

_because I'll take those lips with mine_

_and break havoc amongst this place_

* * *

The text comes at 9 pm, Rachel is practicing her scales before bed and she skips to her vanity, grinning happily as she sees the message.

_Quinn F: soo_

She grins stupidly at the cellphone, before she texts back.

_sooo_

And her practice is finished, so she takes her phone to her bed and sits against her pillows, waiting for the next message.

_Quinn F: this is ridiculous_

Rachel giggles but decides to pull her out of misery as she types her proposal.

_Quinn - would you like to come to my house on Friday to watch a movie and perhaps have some snacks?_

This time she waits for longer than expected but this wait helps her to give her time to braid her hair and put herself inside her bed. Rachel checks her phone and there is a reply.

_Quinn F: friday? don't you have a date with ur boyfriend?_

The message doesn't reply to her question but Rachel takes what she can.

_Not this Friday, Finn and Burt are going to a game in Cleveland_

Rachel types and then adds in a second message.

_I'm all yours._

She bites her lip as she waits for the reply and it seems to take forever before it comes.

_Quinn F: alright. hour?_

And this time, Rachel doesn't have to censor her enthusiasm as she giggles and dances a little in her bed.

* * *

Friday comes sooner than Rachel expects and as she goes home after school, her pulse seems to be having a race.

It's both exciting and completely overwhelming to think about their evening together and then to decide about one movie to watch - so she just ends up picking ten movies that aren't musicals for them to watch.

Snacks aren't a hard ordeal for her - she has enough taste to pick both healthy and not too sugary treats, knowing how careful Quinn treats her diet after last year. And with that thought on mind, she instantly discards _Juno_ from their watch list as she picks the Blue rays and leaves them on the coffee table.

Her outfit is simple. Black skirt, white t-shirt and comfy shoes - after all, they are going to be inside her house, she doesn't even bother with stockings.

At 7 pm, the doorbell rings and her heart seems to start another race.

"Hi" Quinn greets her. She's wearing a simple yet tasteful peach colored dress, her hair in a braid and Rachel can't help but grin "Again" she rolls her eyes and the tension breaks as a silly chuckle leaves her.

"Hi, again" Rachel replies with a grin and she moves aside to let her in as she gestures to the living room "Please come inside" Quinn enters the house and steps timidly inside, looking at the furniture with inquisitive eyes "I already have a few ideas for the movie we could watch this evening and meanwhile the popcorn is being made on the microwave - I would like your input - "

"Rachel" Quinn interrupts her as she turns around from her place next to the stairs as she looks at some family pictures and there's a glint on her eyes that makes Rachel a little nervous "I'm fine with whatever you chose - as long as it doesn't have…" her eyes go misty but she says it " _babies_ ' 

Rachel nods as she goes and picks one of the DVDs.

"What's your opinion on _Lindsey Lohan_?" she offers and the little grin is a victory amongst a land of uncertainty as she lifts it and Quinn moves away from the pictures.

 _"Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins"_ The blonde recites with a smile and Rachel just knows she picked right "I love it' 

The microwave beeps and apparently, they are ready to go.

"Let me fetch the popcorn and the limonade" Rachel says as she moves to the kitchen.

"I'll help you" Quinn interrupts her, dumping her bag on the couch and following her to the kitchen "Where are the glasses?" the blonde asks as she walks directly to the refrigerator.

"Top shelf" Rachel directs with an appreciative nod as she goes to the microwave and takes the bag out, opening and then dumping the content of it inside a large bowl awaiting.

"Gotcha" Quinn says as she takes the two glasses and the jug full of fresh lemonade and follows Rachel back to the living room. She leaves everything on the coffee table, next to the other snacks and sits back.

"Help yourself, while I prepare this experience" Rachel commands as she passes the bowl to Quinn, who quirks her eyebrow at her but doesn't comment beyond that.

Rachel turns around and quickly puts the disc on the DVD and as she turns around, she can't help the giggle that escapes her.

"What's so funny, Berry?" The cheerleader inquires but there's no malice behind her words and Rachel skips to the couch, sitting at a moderate distance to be friendly yet not close enough to suffocate.

"Oh nothing" Rachel explains as she takes the remote and presses _play_ on the screen menu "I just - never thought we could be here, like _this"_ she explains easily to the blonde, who nods.

"Well - we had to start somewhere" Quinn replies as she turns to face the TV and something about her words resonate with Rachel for a while as she just gazes at her and misses the first seconds of the movie.

_"okay, found my duffel, now the question is, how do I get it out?"_

"You know, as much as I hate Meredith Blake - she's just too hot for Nick" Rachel comments as they watch the scene with Meredith talking with Annie as Hallie.

"Huh?" Quinn inquires as she sips her lemonade.

"He's manly and looks like a good father but would you marry someone you don't love just for money?" Rachel questions as she turns to the blonde.

Quinn laughs as she leaves her glass at the table.

"Under some circumstances, totally" She plays with some hairs that are out of her braid and Rachel can't help but gaze at them.

"Like what circumstances?" Rachel inquires as she looks up and their gazes lock.

Quinn swallows.

"You know - not everyone has a supporting family" her words are a little strangled and Rachel swallows her own bubbling realization that this topic isn't as simple as the weather "If the options are limited - I just wouldn't blame someone for taking that road" Quinn explains and she shakes her head, moving her attention back to the movie.

"Would you?" Rachel asks before she can think better of it and maybe it's a mistake but right now, she wants to know "Would you marry someone 

"I don't know" Quinn replies and her smile is awry, like she genuinely doesn't know the answer "Last year? Absolutely" she says and her laugh isn't carefree, it has a bitter end that carries too much weight for someone so young "Right now?" the blonde replies and she glances at Rachel with a rueful smile "It just depends" she shrugs.

Rachel accepts with a nod and prefers to stop asking what she means by _depends_. 

The movie engulfs them back and Rachel tries to keep her comments to herself but she likes this movie too much to keep the silence and Quinn seems to agree.

"I still can't believe they sent them to the same camp" Quinn comments with a giggle as they watch the scene with Nick falling into the pool "What are the odds?" 

"Maybe it's more than a mere coincidence" Rachel replies with a laugh of her own as the father sees both of her daughters and looks perplexed "Fate if you must" the brunette offers.

"You believe in fate, Rachel?" 

It's not the teasing tone of her voice but the fact that she used her name what's makes her turn to the blonde, who's not looking back at her but at the screen.

"I do" Rachel nods and she turns just in time to not be caught looking with a stupid smile "Do you?" she asks and moves her hand to put some popcorn in her mouth and distract herself.

But it seems like both have the same idea as both of their hands meet in the middle of the bowl. 

Rachel moves her gaze up and there's a glint of _something_ in those hazel eyes that leaves her absolutely breathless.

"I could believe in it" Quinn replies and her gaze moves nervously up Rachel's face like she's searching for something and the moment is charged with something ineffable as both gaze at each other in the dimly lighted living room.

Rachel clears her throat and nervously, grabs some popcorn, putting it in her mouth, turning back to the TV "I love this scene" she says after swallowing, as to distract her own heart for whatever was happening a second back there.

It's beating wildly and Rachel isn't sure _why._

* * *

"I had a great time, Quinn"

They are standing outside Rachel's door and Quinn has a shy smile on her face that's worth more than her house and the entire neighbourhood, Rachel thinks.

"Me too" the blonde replies and she bites her lip and Rachel lets her process whatever is on her mind "Would it be alright - if we did this again?" Quinn inquires and there's that nervous tone that endears Rachel to no end.

"It would be more than alright, Quinn" Rachel replies and the way those eyes light up make her know it was a wise decision.

"Alright" Quinn replies as she holds the strap of her bag "Goodbye then, see you" the blonde waves and then walks towards her red car.

Rachel watches her go and she can't help it.

"Let me know when you're home" Rachel yells with a smile she can't help but burst with her emotion.

This is everything she ever wanted.

Quinn just nods once in her direction, before getting in her car and driving away. The smile on her face as she drives away is a beacon of light for Rachel as she walks inside her empty house.

Before bed, Rachel opens her Twitter and can't help but go instantly to her favorite poet's account.

And she smiles.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_you said I'm yours_

_but i see another hand holding yours_

_and my heart stops_

_maybe right now, it's not the time_

_maybe someday, you'll be mine_

Rachel taps once the heart at the bottom of the tweet and turns to her night table to leave her phone there.

Her sleep comes like a breeze, slowly but then all at once.


	2. across the stars of the universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poems and new members can't distract Rachel from the fact that something is changing beyond her control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since everyone seemed to like this little au - i'm gonna run with it and see what happens - hope you like it :)

Monday comes with Rachel bouncing her leg through her first class. 

When the bell rings, she stands up quickly from her desk and practically runs out of the classroom all her way to her locker.

"Hey, Rach" Finn greets her at her locker with a doopy smile and Rachel receives his kiss quickly moving to her tiptoes and then diving into her locker.

"Hi, Finn" Rachel replies back as she dashes for her text book that must be inside there, somewhere "So your team won huh?" she asks conversationally, remembering his texts through the weekend.

"Hell yeah, it was awesome" He confirms with a nod and then seems to remember something as he holds the straps of his backpack tightly to himself and asks "So - what did you do on Friday while I wasn't there?" his words aren't casual at all.

The memory of the evening makes her stop digging and she turns to her boyfriend with a guilty smile. Rachel hasn't seen Quinn since Friday night and even if they have been texting about _The Parent Trap_ and other Disney classics - she already misses the blonde.

Something that both intrigues her and scares her - it's been just a few days since Quinn and her started this… _acquaintanceship._

"Nothing much" Rachel replies and the words spills out of her lips so easily that it surprises her a little but she schools her face to maintain the appearance "Homework, practiced my scales, watched a movie" she assures him and it's not a lie if she mentioned the movie but why is it so hard to mention that she didn't watch it alone - that _Quinn_ was there with her - and that they had a great time, in fact, they will repeat it some time.

But Rachel isn't sure how Finn would feel about them hanging out - but something in her gut, just tells her that it won't have the best reaction out of him. When it comes to Quinn, he never reacts that well.

"Cool" Finn accepts with a nod "Seems like you can't have that much fun without me, huh?" he says and Rachel knows he is teasing her. It's friendly but it sits wrong with her for some strange reason.

"It seems like it" Rachel replies with an awkward laugh as she finally finds her book and closes her locker. She turns to her boyfriend, her quarterback leather jacket wearing boyfriend with his simple bootcut jeans and white t-shirt, cuffed sneakers and forest fragrance cologne.

And not for the first time, Rachel feels like this relationship has an expiration date - and that both of them know that.

"I have to go" Rachel declares and he bends to kiss her again and she kisses him back, taking his cheek and grasping it sweetly, letting the moment sweep over her as the thought moves away “See ya” she breathes, gently holding his face, finally, she moves away and they part.

Finn waves as he turns his way, to walk towards his own class and Rachel has the idea of doing the same but there is someone walking towards her and Rachel can't help the smile that lifts up her heart as she turns and faces her.

"Quinn" Rachel greets with a contented sigh and the blonde grins with a little blush. 

Holding her books tightly to her chest in her cheerleader outfit - Quinn looks adorable but not adorable as she looked Friday afternoon without the weight of the social expectations weighing her down.

"Hey" Quinn greets and nods once in the direction of the classroom "Wanna walk together?" 

She seems hesitant for some reason but after Friday, Rachel just nods quickly and they step in that direction without any more words being said, side to side, happily grinning.

"So I was thinking-"

"Next time-"

"You first" Rachel nods with a giggle and the taller girl accepts as they step side by side.

 _"Herbie"_ Quinn suggests with a smirk as they pass they finally enter the classroom, not a long walk "We should continue our _Lindsay Lohan_ theme at my house and watch it"

Rachel steps to her usual seat and Quinn follows her. They are the first ones to enter the classroom, it's always like this but it's the first time that they've shared these seats.

"Proposition accepted" Rachel nods instantly, setting her bag down and getting her notebook and pencils out "When?" she questions.

"There's a game on Friday" Quinn informs her and she bites her lip and the way she says it, it just makes Rachel notice it, she follows the action and then looks quickly up "We could go to my house after that…?" 

Her tone is hopeful and if Rachel knows something is that she would never want to disappoint Quinn in her life. 

"Sure" the brunette accepts.

"Awesome" Quinn agrees and there's that blinding smile again.

She turns to take her stuff out too and Rachel takes the opportunity to check her favorite twitter account with a grin, after meeting Quinn, it just feels right to do so.

* * *

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_Touch my hand and never let it go_

_I'm addicted to your touch_

_And slave to your voice_

_Ask me for forever and_

_Forever I will go_

"That doesn't even rhyme"

"Santana!" Rachel gasps as she puts a hand to her heart and turns around to scowl at the cheerleader "don't do that again - I can't die before going EGOT" she scolds, putting her phone down on the table.

Santana laughs as she takes a place beside her on the table and Brittany is with her this time, Santana is holding both trays and she could tease her but truce is truce.

Rachel waves back at the blonde and then frowns "Where's Quinn?" 

"Like I'm her keeper or some shit" Santana grumbles as she plays with Brittany's ponytail " _Getting pregnant somewhere, hell knows_ " she whispers but Rachel hears her.

But before Rachel can let her rage out on the cheerleader, Brittany replies sweetly, catching her attention "Coach called her to her office - something about the sea or a mantis or something" she shrugs and goes to pick at her fruit and salad.

Rachel accepts it with a little thanks and sends a glare to Santana, who seems to be too preoccupied with the blonde's hair to care, anyway.

Lunch passes quickly after that, meaningless conversation about school turns into actual conversation about Sectionals and before they know it, they are joined by an visibly exhausted Quinn.

"Sorry I got late - Coach wanted to talk about the semantics of one of our new routines" Quinn explains as she sits down at the table, sullenly sipping on a protein shake that looks fairly disgusting "Hi" she greets Rachel and there's again that little smile.

" _Hi"_ The singer replies and she realizes she hasn't eaten more than a few dried berries. Rachel looks at her own home packed lunch and takes her decision as she looks at the green liquid that the girl is barely drinking "Quinn - would you like to help me with my lunch - it seems like I got the proportions wrong for a one person based meal" 

She says nervously as Quinn looks at her with inquisitive eyes and leaves her shake on the table "this is way too much just for myself" Rachel continues gesturing to the table as there's a granola bar, vegan yoghurt, dried fruit, fresh fruit and a sandwich cut in the middle with tomate, basil, cucumber and hummus "it would be more of a help to me than to you, anyway" she explains with a shrug as she takes one half of the sandwich.

Quinn shoots her a shy smile "Of course, I can _help_ you" she reaches for the half of the sandwich that Rachel offers to her and their fingers barely grace but there's still that spark _'Thank you'_ the blonde mouths at her before taking a bite and Rachel does the same. 

For some reason, her food taste better this time - maybe sharing is the reason.

* * *

Tuesday passes in a similar fashion, they share classes and Rachel finally accepts Quinn's company without surprise but her best smile - it seems like they are moving quickly onto a friendship that she happily accepts.

_all the words I could never tell you._

_Green meets brown_

_Your hand meet the stars_

_Dark meet the lighting_

_And the fire lights my heart_

Everything is fine until Glee happens.

"Welcome to Glee club - Sam Evans" Mr. Schue says as a blonde guy with a huge smile and floppy blonde hair stands beside him. He has some kind of comic book related t-shirt and Rachel instantly turns to her boyfriend with a serious expression.

"He's the guy you heard sing?" Rachel inquires in a whisper as her eyes scan the new guy and he introduces himself with a ridiculous rhyme that makes her frown lightly.

"Yeah, isn't he great?” Finn turns to her with a proud smile as he nods “He can take Puck's place"

From beside him, Kurt seems to approve with a grin that makes Rachel a little wary but she just nods back to Mr. Schue - as it seems that everyone is waiting for her approval.

"Welcome, Samuel" Rachel greets him, standing up from her seat and offering a blinding smile to the boy, who has his hand on his pockets and looks a little more than just nervous - maybe excited? "As the co-captain of Glee club I feel like it's my duty to inform you that we are currently working on developing the performance for Sectionals" she adds quickly, facing the boy who is looking down at her with a little frown "and it would be great if you put your best effort into it"

A beat passes.

"Sam - that's who I am - just Sam" The blonde guy corrects and his smile is endearing - almost too endearing for a guy "Right - I'll try" he accepts with a quick nod as his hair moves around.

Something about Sam makes Rachel wary - it feels like something will happen - but what is about Sam that seems to call her attention?

* * *

" _So-_ _Sam asked Quinn out_ " Kurt informs her with a crestfallen voice that night and Rachel wonders when this happened, it's been barely a few hours since the boy entered Glee club and apparently, he is already making his move.

Rachel doesn't know why but the thought of Quinn dating a boy - that they don't really know at all, make her more than a little nervous.

“How do you know that?” Rachel inquires through the call as she turns to her vanity and starts to sort through her sheets to practice a song “Who told you? Was it Mercedes?”

“ _The boy himself, of course_ ” the reply comes instantly and there's that little tone of bragging that is used by Kurt when he knows something that other don't _“I got him to sing with me, so we were texting to talk about rehearsals and such - one thing led to another and suddenly the topic of attractive people shows up”_ Rachel swallows tightly at his words _“Colour me surprised, he tells me about his crush on our Queen Q and how he got shot down by her”_

“What?” Rachel questions instantly, turning back to the mirror, trying to process the words as her mouth opens again “She didn't accept?”

_“I know! He's so handsome - a little of a dork but who cares? - Apparently, Quinn just smiled at him and told him she wasn't interested in dating boys at the moment!”_

“Wow” Rachel replies, quite astonished with a loss for words. She heard Quinn talking and declaring this year would be different but - shooting boys down? One part of Rachel is deeply inspired by the action and the other part is really confused by what it means “You know - I have to go, thanks for informing me of this development concerning the members of our club” Rachel rushes, wanting to get out of this conversation already.

She needs to think.

“ _You're welcome, honey - goodnight!”_

The call disconnects and Rachel drops the phone to the vanity.

* * *

“I have a question” Rachel drops as she sees Quinn already casually waiting by her locker with _that_ smile.

“Alright?” Quinn inquires and the way her eyebrow lifts should not be attractive but it is “Should I be concerned?” she asks as she moves aside and lets Rachel change her books.

“Not really” Rachel confesses as she puts one in and takes other out “It's about something I heard”

“And I care because….?” The blonde replies as she crosses her arms over, her biceps showing perfectly on her uniform and Rachel shakes her head to concentrate.

“Why won't you date Sam?” Rachel plainly inquires as she turns to Quinn and the girl has an expression of solemn contemplation, like she knew this was coming.

“Can we talk about this later?” Quinn doesn't let her put down another word as she just waits for a nod and then turns around, walking down the hallway, leaving her alone.

There is a quiet uneasiness that starts to squirm inside Rachel as she watches her walk away and Kurt's words replay.

_she wasn't interested in dating boys at the moment._

* * *

  
  


The note in her locker says to go to the auditorium by lunch and Rachel goes directly there after class. The place is devoid of people but Rachel takes the chance to catch her nerves and practice a few escales before their conversation and what starts like a simple escale ends up being an entire song as the lyrics come up and her fingers take the piano.

_Words are flowing out_

_Like endless rain into a paper cup_

_They slither while they pass_

_They slip away across the universe_

_Pools of sorrow, waves of joy_

_Are drifting through my opened mind_

_Possessing and caressing me_

Something about the situation, something about waiting for a simple response makes her wonder about endless options and the lyrics sound ironic at her tongue.

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

“That was beautiful” 

Rachel turns from her spot at the piano and there stands Quinn with _that smile._

“Name of the song?” something about the way her eyes shine makes Rachel move to leave an space by the piano and Quinn takes the seat with grace.

“ _Across the Universe”_ Rachel replies as she watches her hands and suddenly the piano is playing another song and she glances to Quinn, who has her concentration on the keys with her tongue peaking out a little as her hands move “You're so talented” she comments as Quinn starts to play another melody but before she can say something else, Quinn starts to sing.

_I want to hold the hand inside you_

_I want to take the breath that's true_

_I look to you and I see nothing_

_I look to you to see the truth_

As much as Rachel always criticized her voice, there's a quality to it that she can't deny, Quinn can sing - and the way her emotions go into the song - just hits Rachel with a myriad of feelings.

_Fade into you_

_Strange you never knew_

_Fade into you_

_I think it's strange you never knew_

“There is something I have to tell you, Rachel” Quinn confesses as she ends the song and the space falls to silence. The energy of the room is charged by the words unspoken and Rachel is afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“What is it?” Rachel questions quietly and her hands are shaking, she doesn't know if its the song that Quinn played or the conversation - maybe both “You know I'm always here for you, Quinn” and she means it "Whatever is it - I'll be right here for you"

The blonde moves her hands away from the keys of the instrument and puts them on her tights, her gaze intent on the piano and it seems like minutes go by but it's just mere seconds of silence.

“The reason why I shot down Sam” Quinn says after a second and she glances at Rachel, her eyes indecipherable “The reason why I would shot down any boy who asked me out” her words seem stuck on her throat and the brunette is tempted to pat her back and go all the way to the cafeteria for a bottle of water just to hear whatever is causing the blonde so much trouble - “It's because _I'm gay_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger? well, it had to be done. comments and thoughts here, lets talk about songs and poetry, shall we?


	3. after the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel deals with the aftermath of her own actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and I'm back! hope u like this update - just the right amount of angst i hope - after all, there's more to come!

_"it's because I'm gay"_

Everything seemed to stop and then quickly begin again. Rachel could only close her eyes tightly as she remembered her own reaction.

_"- is this a manufactured prank of some sort?" Rachel asked after the silence and she turned to the blonde, who was frowning back at her with unreadable eyes "because it isn't funny to play with this kind of thing, Quinn" The diva pointed out, trying to hold her ground._

_"Rachel - " Quinn started to speak but Rachel quickly cut her off._

_"You dated Finn - and you had boyfriends - plural!" Rachel added as she stood up from the piano's bench and started to pace around "Quinn, you even had a baby with Noah - and you want me to believe this?!"_

Her own words ring through her head and Rachel can't sleep as she remembers what happened earlier today.

One phrase and her whole world turned around, four words coming out of that mouth and it felt like the ground wasn't stable anymore - like even Rachel didn't know herself.

_"it's because I'm gay"_

Rachel turns around in her bed, leaving herself on her back as she stares at the painted white ceiling of her room. She stretches her arm and takes a hold of her cellphone. 

Earlier, she sent Quinn a few text messages but these are still unanswered and Rachel can't blame her. Her reaction wasn't the expected reaction of a supportive friend - and for some reason, she can't put the finger why she even had that reaction.

What if Quinn is gay? What if everything Quinn ever done with her boyfriends and boys and her relationships was a mere imitation to be part of heteronormative practices and to be accepted as an equal? 

Her mind swirls with ideas and arguments and memories and Rachel sighs deeply as she opens twitter to distract herself.

Apparently, she isn't the only one having trouble sleeping.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_it crashes down the reality of it_

_mere seconds ago we were playing on the field_

_but the truth is out and the wounds are open_

_I'm just begging_

_please don't leave me_

_please don't leave me, i swear I'm not broken_

Her breath catches as she reads the words over and over and the conversation starts to play again in her mind.

_"Believe it or not, Rachel…" There was the most pained face Quinn had ever directed at her and as she explained with the most secure voice Rachel ever heard "for once I feel like I'm not broken" the blonde declared before walking out of the stage, leaving an astounded Rachel alone._

Opening another blank message, Rachel swallows as she tries yet again to fix the mess she made.

_Your secret is safe with me - if that worries you._

She bites her lip and then sends another.

_Beyond the messing up and the whole freak out performance - I'm glad you trust me with this kind of knowledge about yourself, Quinn. Goodnight xx._

Rachel locks her phone and leaves it at the night table. The weight of the day seems to finally drag her to sleep.

Her dreams are full of stars, universes, hands and light - there's a piano and a blonde girl playing it with gentle touches.

Next morning, she doesn't remember her dream but a melody runs follows her and it's a pity how she never asked Quinn for the name of the song.

* * *

Thursday comes with an unexpected weight that has her feeling rather erratic.

Quinn decides to sit at her old desk and something knots inside Rachel's stomach as she watches the blonde walk by, completely ignoring her.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_you said you would hold my hand_

_but now that I'm bruised and beat into the ground_

_all i can feel is the icy kiss of a silence_

_all i can see is a memory_

_and the bittersweet taste of goodbye_

* * *

"What did you do to her?" 

Rachel looks up from her phone and, of course, she isn't the only one to notice Quinn's absence.

The latina cheerleader stands there, her expression her normal self "Normally I would chalk it up to Puck being his stupid self but since he's not here - I'm gonna go with my gut and blame you, Berry - what did you say to Barbie?" Santana inquires with a glare as she supports her weight on her hands on the table.

"What makes you think it was me?" Rachel deflects, knowing too well it's her fault that Quinn has been avoiding this table and apparently - all of them "Am I that important in Quinn's life to have such an impact?" she inquires as she raises her brow.

Santana shoots her a look.

"We both know Preggo trusts just a few people into her life" the Latina explains "I didn't do shit, neither did Britts here" the taller blonde nods sullenly with a pout and Rachel feels remorse "that leaves her shitty mother and you and since she's not here to talk shit about Judy" she shrugs and send a mocking smile to Rachel as she crosses her arms over her chest and sits.

And Rachel bites her tongue and just let's the topic slide off the table as they settle to eat.

Quinn doesn't appear at all to eat with them and Rachel frowns deeply - she _must_ do something to fix this.

* * *

_Duets_ is by far the best idea that they've had for Glee club. Finn and her were static to give the best of themselves with their song for their duet but the enthusiasm by Rachel's side quickly dies down after she realizes that Quinn isn't here either.

And it's even worse as no one brings it up.

"Everyone ready for duets?" Mr. Schue inquires with a grin.

Mercedes and Santana wink at each other in front of her and Brittany seems just happy to watch her girlfriend sing.

"Shouldn't we go first?" Finn whispers to her as he nervously moves his hands, tapping a beat on his tights. 

But Rachel can't stop thinking about Quinn and that makes her concede the spot to the two divas who step and begin to sing foregoing the fact that they are one by one member.

 _River Deep, Mountain High_ brings the room to a fantastic carnival that Rachel can't help but leave herself out of it. Their rendition is beyond spectacular, Rachel thinks so and she claps as it ends, a forced smile on her face.

"Take that, Berry" Santana mocks and it's playful but also a challenge.

If it were any other day, she would take it without a doubt - step front with Finn and sing her heart out - but today her mind is doing what she should've done yesterday and she's thinking about Quinn.

"Excuse me, Mr. Schue?" the man nods at her and she stands, everyone looking warily back at her "May I be dismissed to attend an important matter?"

Mr. Schue frowns at her but nods after a few seconds "Sure, Rachel - I - who's next for their duet?" 

Quickly, Rachel nods and moves to the door, not without hearing Kurt's voice " _Us, Mr. Schue_ " even if she feels a little boomed by failing to be present for the next duet, with nonetheless, their new member showing off his voice, Rachel can't help but reaffirm the importance of finding Quin and fix the mess she made.

She doesn't see confused expressions or the frowns thrown her way but specially, she doesn't see Finn nodding to himself with a knowing but sad smile.

* * *

She finds Quinn in one of the bathrooms on the second floor, this one is the farthest from the choir room and in some way it makes sense.

The blonde is staring through the mirror at herself and her cheerleading outfit and as Rachel closes the door, she realizes that Quinn is waiting for her - she isn't washing her hands, the stalls are empty and she's pretty much in silence just there - standing in silence with a hard expression.

"Why did you tell me?" Rachel inquires when she finally gathers herself and she can't help but embrace herself. She feels burdened by this truth - a truth that doesn't even belong to her but it plays with her mind and has messed with her since yesterday "Does anyone else know?" Rachel tries this time.

"Does it matter?" Quinn replies and the biting edge on her voice doesn't get lost on Rachel, who tries to not cower more but she looks away to her shoes.

"Yes, it does" Rachel argues as she looks up again "Because, for once, Quinn, the topic of discussion between the two of us goes beyond boys and petty altercations - so I need to know - does anyone else know about your…." Rachel nods to Quinn and tries to let the silence complete her sentence.

But Quinn completes instead and she finally looks at Rachel, her expression a mask of her stoic-self "Me being _gay_ " 

Rachel swallows and nods, waiting for a reply.

"It was the first time I had said it outloud" Quinn finally replies and her eyes turn misty but the mask stills as she continues "And you are the only one who I've told" the blonde says and looks away again, breaking their gaze.

And Rachel feels sick, feels her stomach practically bottoming out "Why? - why me?" she requests.

"Then who?" Quinn replies with a laugh, it's bitter and so painful to hear but Rachel concentrates on that voice "Santana? who would use it against me - or better yet, my own mother - who can't look me in the eye without seeing the baby I had" Quinn points out with a chuckle that is just dark and her eyes have a fire that is both full of angst and sadness.

The silence falls onto the conversation as Rachel turns the faucet on, just to do something, to break the silence of the bathroom and make her thoughts stop. She pushes her hands under the water and washes them longer that it would take, just to keep herself busy, the pink soap making her feel queasy "I'm sorry" she finally says and let's the faucet stop drowning her attention away.

"It's not your fault I don't have anyone _else_ " Quinn replies and even if she sounds less angry, there's that edge of resignation cutting her as Rachel sighs deeply.

"Although I feel greatly saddened by that - what I mean - it's that I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday" Rachel clarifies as she watches Quinn react as a myriad of emotions go through her face. Through the mirror and not really looking at her, it's hard for Rachel to know what's happening but she continues "you deserved support, words that give you courage and warmness and _everything_ \- and I wasn't any of that" Rachel admits with a grimace, looking at the girl beside her.

Both are so different, yet at this moment, standing side by side by the sinks, in silence, Rachel knows that they have never been more alike.

"Yeah" Quinn finally replies "You weren't"

"Yeah" Rachel complies as she watches the shock wear off and Quinn straight it up again "So much for a girl who begged for friendship" she says with her own bitter laugh.

"Strike one" Quinn teases and she turns the tap on, washing her hands, the mood seems to shift as she does "Don't repeat it, Berry" the blonde orders with a frown but Rachel sees through it as there's something that those hazel eyes say better than any phrase could.

_don't do it again. please._

Rachel waits as the cheerleader washes her hands and then dries them to reply "We are still on for Friday night?" she asks timidly.

Quinn turns to her with a whimsical smile and it seems like everything will be alright, after all

"Yeah, we are" 

The blonde nods to the door and Rachel follows her, the temptation to ask more about _it_ is at the tip of her tongue but right now the sea is calm and there's no hardness on those hazel eyes that casually glance at her and Rachel decides to leave it for now.

* * *

  
Before going to sleep, Rachel enters Twitter to check on her favorite poet, after the last few poems she read, something inside her just pushes her to do it.

And there's not disappointment.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_I'll wait for you by the side_

_telling myself to not bet on it_

_but yet you come with that smile_

_can't hope but let myself forgive once more_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and they are fine... aren't they?


	4. the end of the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It started with a jacket and a poem in a pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting, had some major block but finally got out! hope you enjoy!

* * *

Friday comes with an unusual buzz for the game and the hallways have a lot of energy that comes with whispers and plans.

Apparently, Coach Beiste has the boys ready to play their best game and everyone seems to be excited about finally having a winning team.

Rachel looks just as excited as everyone else on the McKinley hallways but she isn't thinking about the game - she is thinking about what will happen  _ after  _ the game.

However, that's not something that should worry her boyfriend as he rants about his new workout process.

"- so yeah, Coach is making us do these crazy exercises and I almost passed out yesterday" he groans as he rubs his shoulder with a grimace.

Rachel nods at her boyfriend and closes her locker, turning to look at Finn. He has a little frown on his face and Rachel tries to smile reassuringly up at him "No matter what, you'll be amazing out there, Finn" she tells him, touching his chest with her hand "I'm sure of it"

There's the clearing of a throat and instantly, Rachel draws back from him, like the touch burns her as the new arrival looks sharply at her boyfriend and Rachel internally cringes at her reaction.

"Finn" Quinn acknowledges him with a barely there nod and then looks at Rachel, her eyes and expression doing a completely one hundred eighty degree change that makes Rachel feel if not a little faint " _ Hey _ " her tone is intimate in a way that makes Rachel happy to be directed at her.

"Quinn" she replies with a grin "How are you this fine morning?" Rachel inquires more firmly, as she watches Quinn bite her lip and there's just that glint in those hazel eyes that makes her feel happy.

People are supposed to be this happy for their friends, right?

"Splendid" Quinn replies and there's that little hint of mischief in her eyes that draws Rachel in "Want me to escort you to class?" her voice is hopeful but also playful and Rachel finds herself nodding instantly.

Quinn grins at her.

"You know, I'm right here, guys" Suddenly, Finn speaks and it's like a bathtub full of water falls onto the interaction. Quinn recoils a little, turning to him and Rachel swallows at his frown as he looks at both of them with an offended expression both of his hands up "Whatever - I'll see you later, Rachel" he turns and walks away.

It's unexpected and a little dampening to her mood but Rachel can only frown at his reaction, looking where he went with inquisitive eyes.

"What's wrong with him?" Quinn asks with a scoff as she sends daggers his way and Rachel shakes her head.

"He's anxious about the game, I guess" she replies trying to swallow her heartbeat but it feels just like every day they are moving forward to the inevitable "Let's just...go" Rachel suggests with a sigh as she starts to walk, Quinn quietly by her side.

Quinn doesn't comment more about Finn's reaction and Rachel appreciates it.

  
  


* * *

  
  


As Quinn turns to wave at someone else, Rachel checks Twitter before their class starts but there's no update from her favorite account yet and she pouts.

Perhaps, the poet is busy, that's all.

Today's class is way better than the day before - maybe it's Quinn sitting at her side and grinning softly at her as they make complex equation exercises, maybe it's just having someone helping her understand the most difficult exercises because Rachel has never been really good at math.

"And the square of that - would give us?" Quinn prompts as she points to the last part and Rachel counts mentally as she reads her progress.

"Would it be…. _ 144 _ ?" Rachel asks with a grimace and she bites her lip.

Quinn hums as she checks the numbers and promptly nods, her ponytail moving as she does "It would be, yes" she confirms and then bumps their shoulders together, making Rachel blush "You're not that bad at math with the right support, huh?" the blonde teases.

"Shut up" Rachel hisses but Quinn just giggles as she moves back to her own notebook, to do more exercises of her own.

And Rachel can't help herself, she stares at Quinn.

Since the revealing of  _ the secret _ as Rachel prefers to call it - everything about Quinn started to make a little more sense to her.

Her hardness, her need to be perfect, to have a boy by her side - to be on top and in control of everything - even Beth - as she researched last night and found that pregnancies are more common among lesbian, gay, bisexual youths.

It just _...clicks _ .

Of course, some other things aren't as clear yet but she supposes that with their new found friendship, things can become clear at some point.

"Earth to Rachel" Quinn suddenly calls and Rachel snaps from her thoughts, the blonde has a concerned frown on her "You were zoning out right there - need more help?" the blonde asks with a little frown as she taps her pencil against the desk.

"No- no, I'm alright, Quinn" Rachel deflects and the lie spills before she can help it "I'm just thinking about my duet with Finn" she says with a nod "that's all"

"Oh" Quinn accepts and she looks perplexed but just goes back to her work.

And Rachel remembers something "So I suppose you are going to present next week?" she says conversationally.

"I don't have a partner" Quinn replies as she scribbles down on her notebook.

"What about Artie?" Rachel inquires, furrowing her brow. He is a good enough singer...even if she doesn't trust him to keep his hands to himself.

"Oh no, he's going to sing with Britt" Quinn replies and glances at Rachel briefly and then moves to another exercise.

While she appreciates Artie being away from Quinn, Rachel still frowns "Well, it's not right you're left alone on this week's assignment" she replies with a sigh. 

How inconvenient has been to be down by one member.

Suddenly, an idea appears in her mind and Rachel can't stop herself before she blurts it out "What if we sing together?" she asks with wonder.

And that finally distracts Quinn away from her notebook. The blonde turns to her dark eyes and her mouth in one line, her brow up in question "What about Finn?" She says after a few seconds, her tone is cautious and her eyes curious.

The teacher looks away from the whiteboard and then to them and Rachel shrinks a little at her seat as she receives a warning look.

"We could make an arrangement of some sort" Rachel offers quickly in a whisper as the idea keeps on taking over her mind "maybe I can sing with him and then with you" she adds with pensive nod as Quinn nods slowly back at her, like absorbing her words.

"Alright" the blonde says with a little grin.

Rachel's eyes almost pop out.

"Wait - Does that mean…?" Rachel asks and this is beyond exciting but she doesn't want to scare Quinn off, so she just waits for the confirmation, practically vibrating with energy.

"Why not?" Quinn replies with a small smile as she shrugs "You know how much I like to win" her lips turn to a smirk and Rachel feels beyond delirious at this point. "And you're definitely my best option" her eyes have a dark tint of something Rachel can't identify and she just swallows her emotion.

"Great" Rachel voices as her mind starts to swirl with options "Now, song ideas -"

"Nope" Quinn cuts her off, she nods to the notebook and she looks serious again "Eyes and mind over here" she taps Rachel's notebook and her glare  _ maybe  _ is friendly but it's just as powerful.

Rachel swallows and tries again "But-" Quinn sends her another look and she pouts "Okay, but after this, we will talk about song ideas, Quinn" she scolds, gloomingly taking a hold of her pencil to write down more exercises from the whiteboard.

She really hates  _ Math _ but Rachel can't feel that boomed as she repeats to herself.

Quinn just accepted to sing with her!

* * *

  
  


"Run away with me?"

Quinn quickly turns to look at her and furrows her brow "What did you just say?" she inquires.

"Uhm" Rachel clears her throat and colours at the expectant gaze. She points to the song collection on her phone "The song -  _ Run Away With Me  _ by  _ Carly Rae Jepsen  _ \- it could be a good duet?" she explains.

Quinn nods "I guess" she goes back to her salad and the pout is very very telling of her misery as she moves another leaf and sighs.

Rachel opens her lunch bag and holds up a tupperware with a sandwich to Quinn, who turns to her with a puzzled look "I kind of made it for you" The singer confesses as she offers the sandwich "Not that I think you don't have the resources to pay for one or make one but - I made you one"

"For me?" Quinn smiles and it's  _ that  _ smile, the one that seems reserved for special moments and Rachel can't look away as she replies happily.

"Yeah" Rachel nods and Quinn finally takes it "Those salads must not give you the energy to burn at your cheer practices…" she trails off awkwardly with a shrug.

Quinn snorts "They don't" she opens the lid and instantly moves to take a bite of the sandwich and she looks like she could cry as she chews and sends a grin to Rachel.

Rachel sends her one back as she opens the other Tupperware and takes out her own sandwich.

"Glad to be graced with your presence, oh your majes-bitch" Santana breaks the mood, taking her usual seat "Looking cozy, seems like shit got sorted out" she notes with an appreciative nod to them as she finally takes a sip of the soda in her hand.

"I'm glad you and Rachel made up, Quinn" Brittany speaks as she sits by the table "both of you looked so sad and you two are too pretty to be sad"

Rachel giggles and Quinn breaks into a smile "Thank you, Britt" she says "We'll try to not repeat it, right?" the blonde looks at Rachel and she nods instantly.

She doesn't want to be at odds with Quinn again, now that she knows one of her deepest secrets, it feels like something is holding them ever closer.

Even if there's still that little nagging feeling that creeps up her throat and makes her feel anxious about the secret, like there's something else to be said.

She just hopes that isn't that significant of a change.

* * *

The rest of her classes pass in a blur and before she knows it, it's the end of the day and Rachel is walking to her locker to retrieve her books and go to her house.

But as she turns the corner, Quinn is waiting there and her grin has that charming edge that Rachel knows is put up for manipulation.

" _ Rachel _ " the blonde says with a smile.

"Quinn" she replies as she comes closer and the blonde is practically bouncing on her feet, something is definitely up "Uhm - why are you here?" Rachel asks, crossing her arms over.

Quinn scoffs but it's playful "Can't a girl just pass by her friend's locker?" she crosses her arms but it just makes her biceps more evident and Rachel wonders again what kind of exercise Quinn does to look so good.

Okay - and that's getting out of topic.

"Being frankly honest with you, there's no reference for me to look up, Quinn" Rachel replies simply as she moves to put her books into the locker "I don't have many friends" she confides with a shrug.

Quinn bites her lip and seems to hesitate but finally decides on something "Come to the game" she says instead and the blonde seems surprised of her own words but she repeats it "Come to the game and then we can go to my house after" she adds.

Rachel raises her brows "I was already gonna go, Quinn, because, as you know, the quarterback is kind of my boyfriend" she informs unnecessarily, because really everyone knows at McKinley they are dating, it's not some statement to make.

Especially, not to his ex, but for some reason, she says it anyway. 

Quinn nods, her eyes dimming a little but her smile still in place and Rachel wonders a little before shutting down every thought.

Because no - that's  _ ridiculous _ \- preposterous to even fathom.

Not possible in any possible way but the  _ secret _ was just that impossible and it's real.

But Rachel can't play with that thought and she drops it.

"Great" Quinn replies as she stands there, just a second with an unrecognizable expression on her face "See you later then" she waves and quickly moves to the double door of the corridor.

Rachel watches her go with interest, every day, she figures out that she knows less and less about Quinn and the thought both thrills her and scares her.

Before their friendship, Rachel knew Quinn just felt hate and resentment but with their friendship, it becomes everyday harder to understand what's going through that head.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


She's at the bleachers, the weather is still warm enough to not be totally cold at 7pm but the autumn breezes comes and Rachel is glad to be, at least, snuggled in her cardigan.

Rachel holds tightly in her hand her phone as she sits and enters Twitter once more.

_ all the words I could never tell you: _

_ lips of honey, smile like the sun _

_ that burning touch, will never be enough _

_ light me up and let me feel it _

_ drown me in tentation but don't let her see it _

So her favorite poet seems to be in some intense passionate love situation, it must be pretty tough, Rachel guesses.

She can't fathom the idea of suffering for love that hard - once upon a time, she ached for Finn but those words and expressions feel deeper somehow, like it burns this person's inside to not be with this person and Rachel can't compare her own relationship to that.

Yes, they've had a difficult relationship so far but it's not...it doesn't feel as grandiose when they are together - it just felt that way when they were trying to get together and it couldn't be possible.

Once more, the inevitable of breaking up with Finn, shows up on her mind but, luckily or not, Quinn breaks the thought as she enters her view.

"Hey" The blonde says as she comes to the bleachers and it's kinda early for the cheerleaders to be out at the field, but Rachel guesses that as captain, Quinn can do anything she wants.

"Hey, Quinn" Rachel replies easily and she can't help but shiver as another breeze passes through.

"Are you cold?" Quinn asks as she eyes Rachel up and down with worry on her lovely face.

"A little yes" Rachel confesses with a sheepish smile.

"Rachel" Quinn scorns throwing her patented glare and crossing her arms. There was a time that glare was thrown at her for hate but now, it feels a lot like caring.

"This is a great seat, okay?" Rachel fights as she pouts and rubs her own arms "Can't bear lose it for a stupid jacket" she explains with a huff.

Quinn seems to hesitate a little but finally shrugs her letterman jacket off and offers it to her "Take this" she says firmly.

"But you'll get cold" Rachel whines as she pushes the jacket away.

"Please, I'll be doing handstands and jumping around" Quinn argues with a pissed off expression but her eyes are soft "If anyone is going to get cold is you on these bleachers" she moves the jacket and before Rachel can stop her, Quinn has it over Rachel's shoulders and she's covered in the colours of the school.

And the smell of vanilla and fruity shampoo.

"Thank you" Rachel says as she puts her arms on the sleeves and the jacket is certainly big on her but oh  _ so _ warm and it smells  _ so _ nice.

It smells like Quinn, she notes with a blush.

"Just keep it clean" Quinn teases as she descends the steps of the bleachers and goes back to her squad. 

Quinn smiles softly at her, before moving away and Rachel can't help but snuggle against the material with a happy sigh.

At least, she knows friends wear each other's clothes and doesn't feel weird as she watches the beginning of the cheerleaders routine with a grin as Quinn orders the girls around with her confident smirk.

The stunts are magnificent, the jumps are scary and once that some boy throws Quinn into the air, Rachel swears she stops breathing.

But Quinn lands perfectly with a brilliant smile.

And Rachel cheers, even if Quinn isn't playing and it's ridiculous to cheer for the cheerleaders, she screams for Quinn.

And the shy smile sent her way, Rachel knows it's just for her.

* * *

The game passes in a blur, Rachel doesn't really understand what's happening and spends more of the game asking Kurt what it means everything that happens during it.

He explains with a bored tone and just seems more excited when Finn seems to grab the ball and run towards one of the ends.

Apparently, that's a score.

Rachel claps and screams for him but somehow, she still feels forced to do so, right next to Kurt, who is genuinely happy and into the game to support his brother.

"So - didn't ask earlier but that seems way too small and way too pristine to be Finn's letterman" Kurt asks once the bleachers settle and Rachel turns to him with a frown "Who gave you their letterman?" he asks, his tone inquisitive and his blue eyes suspicious.

Rachel doesn't know why but she feels like he's fishing for something.

"It's Quinn's" She replies and holds it closer to her body as another breeze comes "It was cold and I didn't have my jacket with me - so she gave it to me" Rachel explains easily.

Kurt lifts his brow "Quinn Fabray?" he sounds surprised.

"Is there another Quinn I'm not aware of?" Rachel replies a little bothered by his tone and how he seems doubtful of what she just told him.

Why would she even lie about this?

Kurt scoffs and rolls his eyes "Relax, Barbra - don't bite my head off, I was just processing how  _ Wicked _ is coming to life right here at McKinley" he explains.

Rachel frowns as she pouts "We're not that different" 

"Except you are" Kurt argues with an arrogant tone "Oh Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper"

Rachel knows he is wrong but discussing at the bleachers with him won't give her nothing but desire to leave the place and she wants to wait for Quinn right here.

"Whatever" Rachel dismisses as she puts her hands on the pockets and turns back to the game.

But the tip of her fingers touch something and she extracts it.

A piece of paper with something written on it.

_ it starts, then it ends _

_ i will hold, but it breaks _

_ hope it last, but there's the past _

_ i love, but you don't _

Rachel reads it and a bulb lights somewhere as she recognizes the style of the poem - she has read about this before.

This is Quinn's jacket and that's Quinn's writing - it would just mean that - 

"Quinn is the poet" she whispers but no one hears her as another point goes to the Titans.

Her heart hammers and it feels like a door is opening somewhere.

* * *

  
  
  


The Titans win the game.

It's a riot and a party and both things throw Rachel out of balance and she waits for the people to walk off the bleachers after the game ends.

Later, sitting on the hood of her car, Rachel's thoughts overtake her mind as she processes the most recent news.

Quinn is in love with someone.

Not just someone - but a  _ girl. _

A girl that for all she knows, doesn't love Quinn back but she still dedicates poem after poem to her every day.

" _ Rach _ !" 

Strong arms engulf her and just the scent of axe spray tells her what she needs to know.

"Finn" Rachel tries to smile but it comes as a grimace as she awkwardly hugs him back "congratulations on winning" she whispers against his chest.

"Thank you, Rach" Finn says and moves back, his eyes instantly go to her frame and a frown presents itself on that previously happy face "Wait - who's jacket is that?" he inquires his tone evidently jealous more than curious.

Rachel realizes she still has Quinn's letterman on and blushes but quickly shakes her head at his expression "Quinn gave it to me because I was cold - don't think anything of it" she replies as she stands from the car.

But Finn's expression just seems to slip into something else "Quinn gave it to you?" He asks and it's hurt and she can't deal with the way his eyes seem to linger on the jacket as he asks.

Rachel silently nods and he closes his mouth.

A beat of silence passes and she doesn't know what's exactly happening but Finn breaks it with a change of topic "There's this party at Puck's" his voice picks with excitement and Rachel just can see this getting worse already "We're celebrating our first win!" he nods.

But Rachel can't only open her mouth and then close it "I -" she tries but the words don't leave her mouth.

Finn frowns "Don't tell me you have plans - I thought we would-" he expresses and his face pinches with something.

"I made this plan a long time ago" Rachel defends herself.

Finn just sets his mouth "Is it Quinn?" He asks and it's not venom but resignation that she detects and something on her stomach twists.

Before Rachel can find the words, someone joins them.

"Yeah, it's me" 

Both turn to the voice and there stands Quinn on her change of clothes, hair damp and expression dark with something.

She walks up to them and Rachel can't help but swallow as their eyes meet.

"What about it?" Quinn asks Finn and her smirk shouldn't be that alluring but it is and Rachel follows it.

"Stop stealing Rachel away from me" Finn grits out and Rachel looks at him with wide open eyes as she processes his words.

He can't be serious.

"I'm not stealing anyone" Quinn bites back as she holds her gym bag close "she makes her own choices, moron"

"Really?" Finn bites as he throws his hands at Rachel pointing at the garment "Like it was to wear your letterman?" he points out.

But Quinn just tilts her head, not once losing her cool "Exactly" she replies nonchalantly.

But Rachel has had enough

" _ Stop _ !" she yells and both close their mouths "Quinn isn't stealing me, Finn" she reproaches as she sends him a glare "We are friends and as my boyfriend you should respect the relationship that is developing here" but he just seems more pissed off.

"You don't see it, do you?" Finn says and it's something less like hate and more like resignation what lingers on his words.

The silence falls but it's uncomfortable, it itches her the wrong way.

So, she just shakes her head, because it feels like they aren't even talking the same language.

And everything just seems to fall apart right there.

Finn nods mutely, throwing one last glare at Quinn and turns away, walking to the direction of someone else's car.

Not once turning back.

The silence overtakes again and Rachel just watches as someone drives him away, at least, they do it with a car.

She did it with her actions.

Maybe he didn't say it, but it feels a lot like they just broke up and Rachel feels guilty, because the sadness that she feels isn't for him, it didn't even start with him.

At that moment, she realizes that it started with a jacket and a poem in a pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rachel knows but doesn't know, maybe she knows but what do she really knows?


	5. friday night lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel begins to face her new found feelings, every one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been having a dry spell with this one, but hopefully things are looking up, hope you like it

* * *

The drive to Quinn's house is awkward and Rachel can't stop thinking - even with the girl away in her own car - her mind won't stop swirling around _Quinn_ and everything Quinn-related.

The poem in Quinn's letterman, Finn's words, the poetry account, the girl that doesn't love Quinn back and then Rachel's own feelings that are more tangled than old Christmas lights.

How does she exactly feel about Quinn? Rachel _doesn't_ know.

She drives as slow as she can, giving herself time to get her act together and also to not crash her dad's car, because it doesn't make sense - it just doesn't make sense that Finn basically just dumped her at the parking lot of McKinley, but all she can think about is _Quinn._

It's more like _relief_ that courses through her veins as she thinks about her own relationship and the tears finally form in her eyes and Rachel begins to silently cry, feeling the walls slowly coming undone in front of her very eyes.

At this point, she knows she is sad for not feeling like she _expected_ to feel.

Rachel had been expecting the break up - some part of her always knew they didn't belong together, even back then when she tried her best, it was imminent their departure, because she dreamed of New York and Finn never even thought outside of Lima.

But why isn't she feeling crushed about this? Why does the ending of her most ever last relationship she ever had doesn't feel like it rips her heart off and swallows her whole? 

Pulling to the side of the road, Rachel openly sobs as she stops the car, dropping her head to the steering wheel and breathing erratically.

She shivers against the driver seat and pants.

_How long has she been lying to herself?_

Her love for Finn was never this grandiose and unfathomable thing that could end her dreams or make her wanna change, if anything, her love for him was a projection of everything she ever wanted for herself, but didn't really want deep down. Finn was a cushion of comfort.

It was safe, it was expected, it was _there._

_What now?_

Instantly, Quinn comes to her mind but Rachel doesn't even understand what's all of that - sure, Quinn is a _lesbian_ , that means she likes and loves women, maybe even wants to someday be in a relationship with one.

But that doesn't mean that she likes Rachel, does it?

Rachel shakes her head to herself and breathes out - of course, life doesn't work like _that_.

Quinn is her friend, they are forming a stable friendship and the blonde seems to be in love with some other girl - the best Rachel can do is support her and be there - not interrupt her with her many tangled and not even clear enough feelings.

Because - does Rachel even want to be with Quinn? Probably not, probably she is just feeling devastated after understanding the reason for her own break up and clinging to her most stable relationship aka her friendship with Quinn, at the moment, to make herself feel safe again.

Rachel swipes her tears away with a shaky hand and starts the car again, because she got plans to hang out with her _friend_ and she should go to Quinn's house - she needs to try being a _friend._

* * *

  
  


Rachel checks her face on the car mirror and, sure enough, her eyes are bloodshot and her once carefully applied mascara is long gone, now dried in tissues on the passenger seat, while iMessage notifications light up the screen of her iPhone on the console, but Rachel just breathes deeply in and out, before taking her bag, her phone and exiting the car, ignoring the messages.

The _Fabray_ house stands glorious and intimidating, creams and browns colours adorn the outside of the styled mansion and Rachel quickly steps to the door and rings the doorbell, before she can run to her car and drive away.

Quinn appears on the doorstep and begins to instantly scold her.

"Hey I called and you - hey, what's wrong?" she exclaims as she opens the door and the concern on her face shouldn't grip Rachel's heart like it does, but she guesses that she's beyond controlling whatever is happening to her heart now when it comes to Quinn.

"Can I come in?" Rachel asks quietly, holding the strap of her bag tightly in her hand, anchoring herself to the present. Her voice doesn't shake, but she feels completely ready to crumble.

Instantly, Quinn nods, holding the door to her side as Rachel steps inside.

Stepping into the house becomes a surreal experience, it hits Rachel when she sees the display of snacks and drinks on the coffee table in the enormous living room that Quinn has been waiting for _her._

Just _her_ , no one else.

"Would you please tell me what's wrong, Rachel?” Quinn pleads from somewhere behind her and the tone just drips an intimacy she never thought would be possible with Quinn before this friendship started.

Rachel sits quietly on the couch and looks at her _friend._

Quinn has changed from her previous attire, she has on grey sweats and a _Harvard_ grey hoodie, her hair is loose in blonde curls and her face is bare from any trace of makeup.

She looks absolutely gorgeous and Rachel closes her mouth, shaking her head to clear her thoughts away.

"It was Finn, isn't it?" Quinn inquires and she crosses her arms. She sighs and looks away from Rachel, her expression deepens into something that Rachel can't quite read "What he said-" the blonde starts to say but Rachel cuts her off.

"It was out of place, he shouldn't have said anything" She says instantly and Quinn closes her mouth and raises her brow at Rachel, who just needs to make Quinn smile again and stop looking so pained "We are _friends_ , aren't we?" Rachel pushes.

Quinn nods, but her expression does not lighten.

"Good, because I like being your _friend_ " Rachel says and doesn't miss the way that Quinn's eyes twinkle with something beautiful and sweet, her heart beats faster as she comes clear with what she sure, a hundred percent sure, is the truth “And I don't care what Finn thinks or says or what he thinks he knows about you or us, Quinn” she says with a rueful smile.

They share shy smiles as her words settle on the table.

"I like being your _friend_ too, Rachel" Quinn replies sincerely and she finally sits with her at the couch.

They share another smile and it's nice to have a floor to put her foot down and have some stability, even if the way Quinn smiles at her and the way she says her name makes Rachel feel nervous.

"Shall we?" Rachel nods to the TV and opens her bag to show the dvd of _Herbie_ and the grin that Quinn gives her just makes everything worth it.

"Oh, we _shall"_ Quinn replies with a smirk, relaxing against the couch and the way she stretches like a cat and then drops to snuggle against the couch makes Rachel feel deliriously happy.

Rachel stands and puts the DVD on the player, turns around to Quinn and the way the blonde is looking at her, the singer just knows at some point she will have to acknowledge what she feels for Quinn or what is happening between them.

But for now? 

She lays on the couch and prepares to watch the most charming movie about following your dreams and pursuing your passions even against all odds.

This time, Rachel can relate to this certain plot.

* * *

  
  


" _God,_ I love Volkswagens" Quinn comments with a happy sigh as Lindsey Lohan finds the white car in the dump yard and starts to register him with interest.

So far they have been sharing a quiet silence and just little comments, but Rachel misses talking with Quinn and she goes for it.

"Why exactly?" Rachel inquires with interest, wanting to hear Quinn's thoughts about the car or just hear Quinn's thoughts about anything, she's always so interesting to listen to and Rachel just wants to hear her voice "Not to sound arrogant, but cars are just...cars to me" she explains with a blush and a quick shrug.

But if anything Quinn doesn't seem offended by her revelation, just understanding.

"Well, first of all, they are classics" Quinn explains easily and Rachel nods at the blonde, who continues "Their design, both inside and outside just have this _taste_ " She hums and turns to Rachel and the diva can't help but follow her and fully turn to her, moving her legs up too "You know? like when you have a song you hear constantly and it has an arrangement of some sort that it just pleases your ears, you want to always hear it, right? Well, it's the same with a car" Quinn explains and Rachel didn't know a car could be that pleasing, but apparently it can be or so Quinn thinks and the diva believes everything that Quinn says "Driving or just being inside a car that aesthetically pleases you, makes you feel just like if you were listening to an orchestra playing your favorite song and involving you in a wonderful experience of sounds" Quinn declares simply with a serious expression.

" _Wow_ " Rachel accepts with a sigh as she colours, because Quinn being this passionate about something sure does wonders to her "You could be selling me dirt right now and I would be buying it" she jokes as she blushes under the darkness of the room.

And Quinn laughs.

Light, low and lovely - like Quinn can't help, but _laugh_.

Rachel thinks about the girl that doesn't feel the same about Quinn and frowns briefly, even if she wants to ask, she hasn't heard it from Quinn about the girl, it's not like Rachel can ask about her without having to explain how she knows about it.

She borrowed a jacket, Rachel didn't borrow a secret, but still she got, not one, but two secrets out of that pocket.

Rachel concentrates back in the movie and doesn't entertain further conversation after that, her mind still conjuring topics that she knows her mind wouldn't talk about.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The movie ends and the atmosphere is warm, warm in a comfortable way that settles in Rachel's bones and makes her wanna stay for another, but she's still confused and needs the time and space to deal with herself.

"Disney just doesn't make them like they used to" Rachel comments with a wistful sigh as the credits roll.

Quinn nods and seems to be ready to comment, but instead yawns into her hand.

"Someone's tired" Rachel teases as she sends a pointed look at Quinn, who blushes lightly "I should go" she says with a shake of her head, standing up.

Quinn scoffs as she stands up too.

"I'm not going to go to bed if that's your intention - I'll just stay and watch another movie" the blonde challenges, but in a playful way as she crosses her arms and sends a fake glare her way.

The temptation to stay a while longer meets Rachel's mind, but she sees the way that Quinn's lids keep closing and how her smile is sleepy in a way that tickles her heart.

"Thank you for the nice evening, Quinn" Rachel continues, her smile is sincere and her desire to take Quinn's hand is too much. So, she does it, because a little pleasure is what Rachel can have for now "I've had a great time" Her finger caresses the pale skin of Quinn's hand and it's wonderful how warm it feels inside her heart.

Rachel looks up at Quinn, but her hazel eyes are fixed onto their joined hands and the quirk of her lips tell more that her words could.

Maybe Rachel isn't the only feeling _this_ , but she has to go, it's the fair thing to do for the two of them.

"Goodnight, Quinn" 

Rachel says and let's herself enjoy the closeness of their joined hands for one more second, before dropping Quinn's hand and she turns to the door and walks away, before her resolve goes away and she rushes back in to hug Quinn or do something even crazier.

Like kissing her _friend_.

"Goodnight, _Rachel"_

Quinn's words kiss her ears and she smiles into the darkness of the night as she walks off the Fabray house.

* * *

  
  


Rachel goes to bed with a conflicted feeling on her chest, Finn's words keep repeating inside her mind and she sits against the bedframe with a pout.

_"Stop stealing Rachel away from me"_

Quinn never has tried anything beyond friendship with Rachel and even her friendship has been very respectful. She asks instead of expect, she requests instead of demand and she smiles like Rachel is doing her a favour with this friendship, when the diva is the one who always wanted to have Quinn close to her.

If anything, Rachel herself took distance from Finn, her boyfriend, because her mind would be too occupied thinking about her, even when they weren't together, instead of thinking about him, her mind would be too caught with a blonde girl whose eyes tell more than her words ever could.

_"You don't see it, do you?"_

What she doesn't see? Rachel doesn't know, but she's too tired to try to figure it out before bed, it has been a long day. 

The diva shakes her head and checks her phone.

Twitter is a magnet and before Rachel thinks better of it, Quinn's secret account is opened on her phone and she gets sucked into the poetic last update of her favorite blonde.

_all the words i could never tell you_

_the sweet memory of a touch_

_to a starved dying person_

_feeds them with a hope_

_and erases every lesson_

_don't desire for her touch_

_never wish for too much_

Rachel bites her lip as she reads the poem.

To be desired like this, to inspire those beautiful words, there's something so passionate in that writing that grips her heart and holds her captive, Rachel isn't partial to comparing people, she understands that there are big differences and people aren't objects, but Quinn's way of adoring people seems so different from what Rachel has experienced.

To be desired like it rips Quinn's open to not be with that girl, to suffer like that, Rachel feels for her _friend_.

But what Rachel could give to be desired like _that_.

* * *


	6. we can('t) talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rachel wants one truth, but gets more than she can handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> having a block for forever, but forced myself to write this, the next chapters have *gasps* drama and songs and will come easier than this one, hopefully. 
> 
> enjoy!

* * *

Saturday passes in a blink of homework, home chores and dance lessons.

Rachel tries to ignore the sting of Finn's missing messages, but the memory of his resigned face and his words bite the tips of her fingers as she writes down another paragraph of her homework.

_"You don't see it, do you?"_

She can't understand what he meant and it itches like bites from ants on her skin, it bothers her and Rachel tries to shake it away from her mind, taking a deep breath and starting to write again.

_"Stop stealing Rachel away from me"_

Finally, Rachel snaps, dropping her pencil away and picking up her phone, sending a three word sentence that she hopes is enough of a start for a conversation, because she can't concentrate otherwise and her life depends on her ability to focus.

She tries to put her mind back on track with her homework, but waiting for that text to be read proves to be just as absorbing and Rachel gives up, closing her notebook and sighing deeply.

For the obvious reason, sleeping early doesn't present as an available option and she just gives up, going downstairs to join her fathers on their movie marathon.

* * *

_ok._

The reply comes a whole day later, Rachel supposes is the best she could expect and sends another message.

The park near her house is eerily empty and also really cold, but Rachel suggested it, Finn agreed and there's no other place that feels as neutral as this forgotten piece of green amidst the dry ground of Lima, Ohio.

They have never been in this park and it feels like a fair field.

A swingset lays forgotten on the background of it, the old chains caress the cold metal of the structure as the breeze moves it from side to side and it makes a sound that clashes on her ears, but Rachel just keeps on walking, til she meets Finn, who is sitting on a cement bench in the far end of the park, beside a weird looking tree that is more branches that leaves.

He's wearing a blue hoodie underneath his jean jacket and the way the hood is pulled over his head, Rachel knows this won't be an easy conversation to have when he already looks done with it.

"Good afternoon, Finn" Rachel salutes curtly, walking up to the boy and she sits beside him, her hands over her jean clad tights, it's not often that she wears pants, but it's mid october, it started being cold and wearing skirts in this weather may start a cold that could only damage her vocal chords.

She is only being safe, safe is good, safe is nice.

"You want to talk" Finn replies, just skipping pleasantries and it hurts, but it feels deserving and Rachel accepts it with a bitter taste on her mouth and a little twist on her heart "So - _talk_ " he says simply, facing the ground.

She shakes her head and puts her hands on the pockets of her coat, hugging herself.

Finn isn't even facing her and Rachel sighs deeply, looking at his profile intently.

"Finn, this has been eating me alive the past few days" Rachel starts slowly, chewing her bottom lip as he looks briefly at her. His eyes are underlined with an evident sadness, but she has to ask what has been occupying her mind for days "What did you mean when you said those things about Quinn?" she asks.

And her boyfriend swivels his head to look at her, his expression one of clear shock.

" _Quinn?_ Is she the reason why you texted me to meet you here? Unbelievable" Finn scoffs, shaking his head and sending a glare that doesn't feel really aimed at her, so she doesn't berate him for it, even if Rachel still wants to do it, because the way he says _Quinn_ just doesn't sit well with her.

Instead, Rachel blinks up at him owlishly and inquires quite puzzled "What did you think this was about?" 

"Our relationship, Rachel!" Finn says evidently worked up, his eyes lighten with more that evident sadness now "Maybe fixing things between ourselves! An apology or - or something!" he stammers.

Finn stands up from the bench and sends her a baffled expression, before kicking a rock with his right foot that disappears somewhere on the tall grass behind the swing.

"An apology? May I ask, perhaps, when did I ever insult you, Finn?" Rachel counters still puzzled about his words.

He turns around and flies his hood back, passing a hand through his short hair "Friday night when you ditched me for - for _Quinn_ " he laughs and it's not playful, but like firing bullets into a deep opening wound in Rachel's confused heart as she blinks at him "You know, that's something I hate about you two, you keep on trying to date me" he comments as she stands up and steps up to Finn, who looks red and evidently, _pissed_ "but then insist on spending more time with each other than with me!"

Rachel shakes her head, trying to speak, but he keeps on talking and she closes her mouth.

"Quinn used to do that too, you know? Talk about you, mention your name in conversations" Finn continues and his eyes are misty and she senses that this has been boiling up for quite some time, this is not just about Friday. Finn continues with a scoff "At first, I thought Quinn was just jealous of you, but then…" Finn trails off with a shake of his head and he looks like he is more than overworked about this situation she still quite doesn't understand.

Rachel waits, because he seems to be putting his thoughts in order and it's the correct thing to do, perhaps, the sensible thing to do.

Finn continues "One day, she forgot a book over my house and I picked it up. From it - it fell _this_ drawing" He explains and his expression shifts constantly from one emotion to another, not letting her read it quick enough and Rachel steps closer to him as Finn rubs his forehead, seeming to be gathering himself up.

His face is flushed and his expression conflicted, she waits, even if it's hard to do so, but still, she waits for him to be ready.

Finally, he says resigned "It was of _you_ , Rachel" 

She opens her mouth as her hands fall away from around herself and stares at the face of her boyfriend.

Rachel feels surprised, but not really and images from the wall of the bathroom on the second floor quickly flood her mind and she has to ask "Was it a good drawing?" But Finn sends her a confused look and Rachel quickly backtracks " _Sorry_ " she whispers, blushing lightly.

Finn purses his lips "It wasn't good" he replies and she swallows, nodding grimly at him as he continues "Quinn exaggerated your nose and made you look like totally _ugly_ , which you totally aren't" Finn with a tight smile, Rachel smiles up at him, but he doesn't acknowledge her and just continues "But it had all these _hearts_ around you" he says evidently dejected.

And Rachel frowns, now she is _shocked_ , what is he even talking about? 

_"Hearts?"_

"Yes, Rachel, _Hearts_ " Finn says slowly and his face scrunches up in what seems a gesture of many emotions, but mostly evident pain and confusion, while Rachel tries to process the information "I know I'm a teenage boy and some things aren't easy for me to get, but what I do understand is that when a girl has a crush on you, they draw hearts around you" Finn continues with a tired sigh and she shakes her head.

_"You don't see it, do you?"_

The phrase reverbates in her mind as Rachel seems to find the courage to speak up and ask the very question that has been troubling her thoughts.

It's a violent silence that takes over the distance between their positions and Rachel feels the ground shake beneath her shoes as she talks "What are you insinuating, Finn?" Rachel questions, moistening her lips with her tongue as the skin feels dry with a gust of cold wind that passes through.

Finn turns to look at her and he seems resigned, tired, wary.

Rachel could hear a pin drop somewhere around the bushes on the other side of the park and she takes a shaky breath, before he continues.

* * *

  
  


Step, step, step, another step.

She goes home with her heart on her throat and the chills keep her walking, walking past the living room where her fathers are playing domino and to the stairs, back to her room, where she quickly sits on her desk and tries to continue her reading, throwing her coat on her bed.

Rachel gets her hands on the book, opens where the bookmark is it and begins reading.

_"Quinn likes you!" Finn yelled with a grimace, his face completely red and she stepped back instantly._

_His words fell heavy on the ground, they were loud, they shook the calmness and swayed the place into chaos._

_The park seemed to transform itself into a battleground._

_"No - no, she doesn't, that's absurd" Rachel replied with a laugh, but it felt forced in her mouth, it felt heavy, like it can't go down and be swallowed as a whole truth._

Rachel closes her book and swivels around on her desk chair, closing her eyes tightly.

Maybe exercising a little bit will keep her mind away from the conversation she just had.

She quickly changes out of her outfit and puts on her headphones, sport wear and runs down the stairs to get on the elliptical, trying to concentrate on the lyrics of the song that is playing on her playlist.

But the music can't drown the memories away as they keep coming.

_“Absurd is to deny it any longer, Rachel - Quinn is completely obsessed with you” Finn continued, nodding his head like he knew better than her and she just shook her own at him “What do you think your friendship is?” He asked and there was something chilling in his eyes as he talked and moved his hands “Do you think she just woke up one day and said ´Oh, I think I'm gonna stop being a bitch out of sudden and befriend Rachel´” he mocked and the way his voice went up, irked her endlessly, she just wanted him to shut up “Face it, Rachel, that's not her, that's not Quinn" Finn continued viciously._

_“Stop this! You don't know her!” Rachel yelled, stepping up to face him, his smirk annoyed the hell out of her and maybe if she were a little more like Santana or just a little more like Quinn, maybe Rachel would have slapped it away with her bare hand “You have no right to talk this way about her!”_

_“I dated her” Finn replied, his words biting and full of poison, they fell staining the ground with them “What's there more to know about Quinn, huh?” he laughed bitterly “She is selfish, she just cares for herself - “_

Rachel speeds her legs on the pedals, her volume at the highest, pools of sweat running down her chest and back, but she can't run away from it.

The conversation keeps playing on her eardrums.

_“- And now, more than ever, I'm completely sure, Quinn is in love with you, Rachel” Finn continued with red eyes and an expression of resignation that one could only have when you find out someone else is in love with your current girlfriend._

_Rachel could just stare at him, his words sinking into an abyss as the thoughts swirled around her head and drowned her ears with sound, feelings and images of the few past days._

_Poems, lettermans, movies, friendships, politeness, smiles, truths, lies, the girl that Quinn loves, prohibition, little moments -_

_“Can't accept it, huh?” Finn asked with a dark chuckle, his hands went into the pockets on his jeans as he shook his head grimly and she listened again “Took me a while too, but once you do, everything makes sense" he said quietly._

She stops her legs, breathes harshly against the heated atmosphere of the basement as her hands gripping the handles from the elliptical tightly.

And Rachel closes her eyes, trying to block it out, but it's not enough as it continues behind closed eyed.

_"Why are you doing this?" She asked just as tightly, wiping her tears away from her cheeks, Rachel doesn't know when she started crying, but it's there and she just wants it to stop, like everything that is happening right there "What kind of sick satisfaction are you getting from this, Finn?"_

_And Finn snorted, but there was no evident joke for her to hear as his face turned into a grimace "Don't you see this pains as much as you, maybe even more" he explained slowly, but his tone was rising evidently and she could just shook her head at him "My ex is in love with my girlfriend, who acts every day more like she doesn't give a fuck about me!" Finn yelled, finally losing it._

_Rachel couldn't accept it, too many truths were coming out so fast and she fighted to keep herself strong, but it was hard to do so when they just kept hitting her right on the face._

_"I care about you, Finn" Instantly, Rachel yelled back, keeping her stance "Neglecting our relationship may be a mistake of mine, but never treat me like I don't care about you!"_

_"Then stop treating me as a chore, Rachel! Act like you care!" Finn yelled back, throwing his hands up and he was crying too._

"Honey?"

Rachel moves her unfocused gaze from a point right by her goal wall and back to her father, who is standing on the last step of the stairs with a frown.

"Want me to bring you some water?" Hiram asks, moving his glasses up his nose with a finger. He is wearing his comfy sweater and his fatherly expression of concern "Face may be looking a little pale over there" he says and she knows he isn't just talking about dehydration.

But Rachel just shakes her head as she wipes her sweaty forehead with her sleeve "There's no need for you to do so, Dad" she replies evenly or as evenly as the working out lets her, showing him her bottle of water "Thanks" she replies briefly, sending a _sorry_ _not right now_ gaze at him.

"Alright" Her dad says, accepting the message, turning around and walking up the stairs of the basement and she wonders silently how he got in without her noticing.

Rachel takes a big gulp of water and closes her eyes.

That didn't fool him one bit and eventually, a conversation will be waiting for her upstairs.

She resumes her exercise and like a switch, her mind goes straight back to Finn.

_"Stop prioritizing her over me, Rachel - please, just choose me for once" Finn begged, moving closer and just making it harder for her._

_Because now, Rachel truly knew what she needed to do and there was no way they were going to be okay after the truth went out of her mouth and laid there to be seen._

_"I - I can't" Rachel replied, pulling apart from him and he moved to caress her cheek, but she moved his hand away and shook her head slowly "Finn, if what you are telling me is true, I need to revalue... everything" she whispered, tears swelling up her eyes._

She swallows the gulp of water as a tear runs slowly down her cheek. Her leg muscles protest for the exertion, but Rachel just concentrates on the pain in her heart and keeps pushing her legs.

" _Are - are you breaking up with me, Rachel?"_

Finally, Rachel cries, dropping the water bottle to the ground, it thuds against the wood of the floor and isn't the only sound that resonates within the spacious room.

Her head falls onto her folded arms on the elliptical and she sobs.

_"Yes" She replied dryly "I am"_

_"Is this about…-?" Finn asked with a frown and the edge of bitterness was just as present as before when he said her name "-Quinn?"_

_"No" Rachel replied, sending him one last glance, before walking away from him._

_It wasn't about Quinn._

_They were broken from before this, maybe even from the beginning, like two puzzle pieces trying to fit themselves together, trying to ignore that their parts didn't add up, they kept clashing and searching ways to do so, but Rachel was tired of it._

_"Rachel"_

_He called after her, but he didn't go after her, his steps remained missing from the equation and, finally, one truth settled in Rachel's stomach as she walked back to her house._

_They were truly doomed from the beginning._

Crying, she discards the earphones, throwing them away and opening Twitter, her fingers search for comfort of her favorite poet, but she quickly closes the app as her legs stop moving.

Instead, Rachel moves to dial a phone number and closes her exhausted eyes against the cold surface of the wall behind her.

It rings once, twice and then -

_"Rachel?"_

The voice comes soft, slow, deliberated in a surprised manner, but composed enough that Rachel breathes harshly against the coldness that is settling against the room.

"Hey" Rachel says lamely, opening her eyes and gazing at the ceiling as Finn's words keep repeating over her mind.

_"Quinn likes you!"_

_"Quinn is in love with you, Rachel”_

_"Quinn used to do that too, you know? Talk about you, mention your name in conversations"_

" _Everything alright, Rachel?"_ Quinn's voice comes through the speaker and Rachel shakes her head, biting her bottom lip " _You sound… distracted"_ The cheerleader asks, her tone cautious.

"I'm alright" Rachel mutters, her mind is in shambles, words, memories, moments, everything clashing together and she can't exactly point out why she did call the girl, but one thing stands from the mess and hits her across the face like a slap.

_"Act like you care!"_

"Justwanted to know if you were to go to class tomorrow" Rachel asks, closing her eyes and concentrating on her breathing.

 _"Yes, I am"_ Quinn replies with a snort, she sounds amused _"Miss perfect attendance, can't really disappoint you, huh?"_

"Cool, cool, cool" Rachel says with a smile that she hopes transmits through the phone "Yeah - that's all, see you tomorrow, _bye"_

" _Bye, Rachel, see ya"_ the reply comes softly.

Before Rachel can doubt her decision, she cuts the call and drops the phone to the hoodie on the ground where it bounces lightly.

_"Finn, if what you are telling me is true, I need to revalue... everything"_

Her own words make her end the call.

Rachel needs to understand her own feelings and thoughts, before committing another mistake of this degree, because if what Finn said it's true, hurting Finn and herself is one thing, but hurting Quinn is another altogether.

She can't even bear the thought of doing what Finn and her did to themselves and to do that to Quinn and herself...yeah, that alone is something Rachel needs to analyze carefully, before continuing their friendship.

Or what Rachel thinks is a friendship, anyway.

She really isn't sure about anything anymore, huh?

Her phone appears like magic on her hands and she opens Twitter and searches the first ever tweet she read on Quinn's secret account.

_all the words I could never tell you:_

_today I saw you entering my dreams but I couldn't let you in._

_the mess I've created has been lingering on the walls._

_and you deserve so much better that whatever I could give you, my love._

Rachel truly understands it now.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing like breaking them up, but this isn't their end...not yet, anyway.


	7. fast car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rachel is becoming a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and finally update, got lost and just found my mojo.

* * *

Monday morning going to school presents like the less-exciting thing to ever counter in her short life, because Rachel did spend the night tossing around in bed, thinking about Quinn, Finn and everything in-between.

Lately, it feels like all Rachel does is think about them and she wonders about the possibility of these distractions ruining her brilliant future, before quickly dismissing it, if anything, this whole ordeal will fuel her emotionality during future performances.

For her appearance, on the other hand, the dark circles around her eyes sure makes her look like the human version of a raccoon and Kurt seems perfectly glad to point it out.

"Well, don't you look _awful_ " The boy says with a smile, coming to stand beside her. His polished appearance and mocking behavior topping what already is a crappy morning.

"Thanks" Rachel mutters miserably, closing her locker and dropping her head to it. Her clothes are dull in colours just like her emotions today and she sighs deeply when she sees her reflection on her little star shaped mirror.

Her appearance truly is...atrocious.

"Come on, I have some concealer waiting for you over my locker" Kurt says, taking her by her shoulders and walking her to his locker and she is too tired to even fight it as they step towards it.

People walking by just shoot them curious glances and Rachel sighs, moving with him "We have different skin tones, Kurt" she comments slowly, trying to not upset him.

But he just scoffs at her remark "I know, _Barbra_ \- but I got a darker one by mistake and thought I could do some community service keeping it in my locker for this very reason" Kurt comments from behind her and she chuckles darkly.

Quickly passing by his locker to pick up the product and direct them to the girl's bathroom on the first floor, where a junior girl shoots them a dirty look, before exiting it with a huff.

"Well now that we got privacy - _spill"_ Kurt pushes, applying the moisture to her skin as she stands with her back to the mirror, shutting her eyes for a quick rest, but the comment quickly sends them open in an incredulous look "Those bags scream sleepless night spent thinking" he says.

Of course, he wants gossip out of this trade and living with Finn, Rachel guesses it won't be long before the boy gets exactly the _not_ so nice details about it.

Then it's also _not_ a lost shot that Finn will probably sing about it tomorrow on Glee Club - he likes to vent about their issues to the whole club like that..

It's kind of _their_ thing.

" _Crap"_ Rachel mutters when the assignment hits her mind, closing her eyes as she remembers what else is _their_ thing.

Lately, her mind has been awfully all over the place.

"That bad, huh?" Kurt comments as he applies the cream on her face with light dabs of his tactful fingers.

"Yes" Rachel replies with a grimace, opening her eyes and sending him a not so amused expression as she spills the truth that sooner or later will be told "because yesterday, I broke up with Finn" she explains in a shaky whisper.

And she can just observe how his reaction goes as Kurt opens his mouth and drops his hands away from her face "Is this a joke?" he mutters, searching her brown eyes with open wide blue ones.

The bathroom is too quiet, too dull and the weight of the truth just makes it seem bigger, colder, scarier.

Just like the truth.

Rachel nods twice, confirming it even further "And what's even worse, I just remembered that our duet is tomorrow" she continues, swallowing tightly, not even caring that the boy will know she has been slacking for a competence.

That's how messed up this is.

Kurt shakes his head mutely, but eventually goes back to continue his work on her skin like nothing has happened "Don't cry or you'll ruin it" he warns, his expression evidently troubled by her words, but he remains professional, applying the cream.

Rachel feels grateful for it, but it's still scary to be put under the light, because everything is bubbling up from her chest and to her throat and there's no way she's going to stop it, not now that someone is actually listening to it.

"But there's more, isn't?" He pushes knowingly, giving her skin a last dab with his finger as he pats her cheek and smiles down at her " _Damn_ I'm good at this" he mutters with a satisfied smirk.

She turns to look at herself over the mirror, she looks almost rested now and not even a trace of evidence of her sleepless night can be seen on her skin. 

Makeup is miraculous.

But her mind isn't on her skin, it still fixed on Finn, on breaking up, even more, her mind is fixed on - 

"There's someone _else_ " Rachel says, sending a careful look over the mirror at the boy standing behind her.

Kurt frowns as he cleans his fingers on a tissue from his pocket and tosses it to the garbage can "Did he cheat on you?" he asks.

He looks pensive and she battles with herself about what is actually wise to say, but, ultimately, Rachel just shakes her head at him "No" she speaks, but he cuts her off before she can elaborate.

Kurt walks up to her and sends her a searching look "Rachel - _please_ do not tell me you have cheated on him" he says cutting her off with his blue eyes open in shock.

"It's - it's not what you think!" Rachel argues passionately, turning back to look at him. Her cheeks aflame, her heart soaring wildly against her chest.

His posture is rigid and she stands there tall to affront it.

"Actually, it's beyond what anybody would imagine" She says carefully not willing to give any information, there are lines and privacy, respecting them is the best thing Rachel can do now, Quinn deserves her privacy and since this just has to do with Finn, Quinn and her, Rachel knows to keep it on the down low "Perhaps, not even my business to tell, so the only thing I'll say to you, Kurt, it's that nothing I've done is to harm Finn on purpose" she continues with a forced smile.

Kurt nods back, his face isn't entirely convinced, but the boy isn't Rachel's biggest concern right now.

Quinn.

She needs to talk with her friend, to figure this out, to see what will be the next step, the blonde is who troubles her mind now.

Finn too, but she has done enough damage there and they need some space away, she guesses.

"Thank you for the miraculous impromptu service of make-up" Rachel comments with a more sincere smile this time, her mind isn't entirely gone from her predicament, but she can put it aside for a few seconds to thank him.

"Yeah yeah" Kurt accepts, putting the little bottle back inside his leather bag "Now give me a solo" he demands with a challenging look.

"Earn it first" Rachel replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

But he cracks a smile and she giggles.

"Let's go - we have class now" Kurt says, rolling his eyes and pushing her out of the bathroom as Rachel laughs and, at least, she doesn't look half dead and has a smile on her smile as she faces the rest of the world.

Or more precisely, Quinn Fabray.

* * *

  
  


Lunch arrives and Rachel can't find the blonde cheerleader anywhere.

It's both shocking, but not really, after all, Quinn is the most popular girl in school and leader of a winning cheerleader group, even the prettiest girl of McKinley, the fact that the girl even has time to spend with her amazes Rachel as she searches her friend around the cafeteria.

At least, she finds Quinn's friends, who are both seated on one of the tables, linking pinkies and smiling lovingly to each other. 

Rachel steps closer to them and greets them "Good afternoon, Brittany and Santana, I was wondering if you would know about the whereabouts of Quinn?" 

Santana sends her an amused grin as she moves away from her girlfriend's shoulder and speaks "Barbie playing hide and seek with you, Berrylicious?"

But before Rachel can reply to it, a frowning Brittany interrupts her "That's cheating, Rachel" the blonde sends her an affronted expression as she crosses her arms over Cheerio clad chest and speaks "We can't tell you where Quinn is hiding, that's _untechnical"_

Rachel sighs, rubbing her frown away as she takes a seat at the table with them "You meant unethical and no, Britt, we aren't playing anything, Quinn and I are fine" the performer replies, terribly bothered by the fact that yet again someone has accused her of _cheating_. 

It may not be the same context, but it stings the same way - Rachel isn't partial to cheating and hasn't been part of it.

"At least, I think we are" Rachel adds as she thinks over their last interaction.

Friday night, _Herbie, their_ timid hands touching when the night ended, Rachel being jealous of a faceless girl...who, apparently, turned out to be her.

" _Ugh_ , it's painful to be around you two" Santana grumbles, going back to her salad and sending her a look that plants the doubt in Rachel's mind "Freaking dumb girls, can't communicate like common people do" the cheerleader mutters, shaking her head.

And there sits Rachel wondering if the girl knows _it._

But at this point which truth could be _it?_ Because if something came to light yesterday is that there is definitely more than one truth about Quinn out there.

Rachel quickly recapitulates them.

First, Quinn is a lesbian.

She said that herself, it's a fact, Rachel internally nods to herself as she puts her fingers up the table and counts her tokens.

Second finger up, Quinn writes poetry.

Rachel found a handwritten piece of paper with a written poem in the blonde's letterman, now, she can take that as evidence enough to count it as such.

Now, those are two truths she accepts and exist in the vast universe.

"What the fuck is wrong with her? Why is she staring at me like that?"

" _Shh,_ she's realizing it, San"

Two other truths exist, but Rachel supposes calling them _truths_ isn't as acceptable if they aren't yet _confirmed_.

For now, Rachel will call them the Schrodinger truths.

First Schrodinger Truth, Quinn has a popular Twitter account where she posts poetry about the girl she loves.

This is no more than a correlation that Rachel has made in her mind, connecting her favorite twitter account and Quinn's secret poetic side. She could recognize the prose on that piece of paper like the ones on those poems on Twitter.

It checks out, at least, for her.

And Second Schrodinger Truth, Quinn _loves_ her.

That is just something that Finn said yesterday and Rachel will count as 'truth' for now, because there's nothing more nonsensical than the idea of Quinn Fabray being in love with her.

But, of course, to confirm her theories, she needs to talk to the girl first and to do that -

"I need to find Quinn" Rachel says out loud, standing up from the table and sending a nod to Santana and Brittany "Thank you very much for your help, I'm excusing now myself from this table"

Her steps are determined and, of course, there's one place in mind that comes to mind if Rachel thinks about Quinn.

She just hopes that she's right.

"Do you think that - "

"No, Britt, she hasn't" Santana replies with a shake of her head, clearly annoyed "Not yet"

* * *

  
  


A few minutes of quick steps, find her over the auditorium as Rachel approaches the stage with timid steps, hoping to not disrupt the calmness of it and to find who she's looking for, and as she moves the burgundy curtains away with nervous hands, the sight that greets her certainly makes her stop for a second.

Because there is she, sitting at the piano bench, playing softly a melody that seems to not lead to anywhere and Rachel is afraid to disturb this moment of peace, but she announces herself, they need to talk and clear this up. 

"Good afternoon, Quinn" Rachel says, walking towards the piano with soft steps.

And Quinn turns to look at her with a surprised expression that quickly morphs into a soft smile that makes Rachel, if not a little breathless as the blonde counters teasingly "Took you long enough"

Rachel finally reaches the piano and she instantly recognizes the music sheet on top of it "Practicing for Glee?" she asks with interest, taking a seat beside the blonde, grinning happily at the prospect of the blonde being this invested in the club.

"Maybe you forgot, but _someone_ offered a duet together" Quinn counters back with a playful grin, but Rachel takes it personally, instantly snatching away the partiture and reading over it

"Of course, I haven't forgotten about it" Rachel replies affronted, but her expression transforms quickly as she reads the little notes on the margins of the paper, Quinn's writing is exactly like the one she saw on the little piece of paper with the poem. Her heart hammers inside her body, but she concentrates on what matters right now at the moment, maybe the talk can wait a little bit "I love this song" She hums, nodding approvingly at Quinn's choice "It will fit our voices quite nicely" Rachel admonishes and she looks at Quinn, who sends her a proud look.

"It's one of my favorite songs" Quinn admits with a shy shake of her head and the way her eyes look into Rachel's is so intimate that it makes her wanna cry right there.

There is a quiet laugh that follows and it makes Rachel's heart soar with something, because that's definitely a laugh she hasn't heard before and it's so utterly endearing.

"Would you like to practice it?" Quinn inquires and the way she's biting her lip, nervously wrangling her hands on her lap.

Rachel can't help but nod in a daze.

"Absolutely" She replies with a smile to the blonde, who reciprocates it, before beginning to push the tiles of the piano gently again.

"Ready?" Quinn asks her, playing the soft melody that makes Rachel's heart soar in recognition.

Rachel nods shyly back, before opening her mouth to harmonize with the piano.

_"You got a fast car_

_I want a ticket to anywhere_

_Maybe we make a deal_

_Maybe together we can get somewhere"_

Quinn presses down the tiles of the piano and Rachel sighs happily, before singing the next part with her whole heart.

She doesn't want to think about how fitting the lyrics are for them, so Rachel closes her eyes and sings.

_"Anyplace is better_

_Starting from zero got nothing to lose_

_Maybe we'll make something_

_Me, myself I got nothing to prove"_

The girl sings, opening her eyes and sending a nervous shrug to Quinn, who nods back at her and now is the blonde taking the next verse, keeping her hands dancing across the tiles with ease.

_"You got a fast car_

_I got a plan to get us out of here_

_I been working at the convenience store_

_Managed to save just a little bit of money"_

She sings in her low register and how nicely it fits the song sends a smile to Rachel's lips, who appreciates the blonde's profile with a subdued breathing, enjoying Quinn's voice too much to disrupt her.

_"Won't have to drive too far_

_Just 'cross the border and into the city_

_You and I can both get jobs_

_And finally see what it means to be living"_

Quinn turns to her and winks cheekily, making Rachel giggle as she joins.

_"You got a fast car_

_Is it fast enough so we can fly away_

_We gotta make a decision_

_Leave tonight or live and die this way"_

Both girls sing together and Rachel swallows tightly, their voices mingle effortlessly together and the way their eyes hold onto each other makes Rachel's stomach turn uncomfortably, but she still obliges herself to sing, looking onto those hazel eyes.

" _So remember we were driving, driving in your car_

_Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk_

_City lights lay out before us_

_And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder"_

The air is tight with Finn's words biting her mind, but she's more than just a nice voice and occupies her acting abilities to keep Quinn's gaze.

_"I had a feeling that I belonged_

_I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone"_

Both sing effortlessly.

The song ends as Quinn plays the last notes on the piano with her skillful hands, her eyes now concentrated on the tiles and Rachel swallows tightly, passing a hand through her hair.

The music ends and Rachel finally whispers _"Wow"_ smiling at Quinn with shiny eyes, who seems just as stunned as she feels.

And Quinn replies, smiling up at the girl, taking her hands off the piano tiles "I know" her cheeks are pink and her expression soft "We will _so_ win this" she adds with a chuckle, before turning to Rachel with a curious expression "So - were you looking for me? Miss me?" she says and it's teasing, but the way her eyes spark tells Rachel that isn't just teasing.

Rachel feels her heart ricochet inside her as she remembers the topic that brought her here, that has been invading her mind for the last twenty four hours.

_Quinn is in love with you._

Her mind tells her to ask it, straight out, without preambles, but what comes out of her mouth is so sudden that even Rachel surprises herself with the words.

"Finn and I broke up"

And Quinn's expression shifts to a deep frown on her beautiful features and Rachel didn't exactly expect the cheerleader to jump in happiness, embracing her in a hug, declaring her endless love for her.

But it's a little underwhelming how Quinn just stares in silence, her expression guarded.

"What happened?" The blonde eventually asks quietly.

Rachel shrugs nervously, evading concerned eyes.

"Yesterday, we - Finn and I - talked about our relationship and came to the realization that things haven't been so great between us" she replies and it's both a lie, but also a huge truth, because _we_ is such an understatement when Rachel was the one to pull the trigger and quit the scene as Finn bleed at the park.

And she turns to the blonde, who has a blank expression and maybe she needed to open the conversation with one half-truth to keep going.

"He mentioned something and I - I" Rachel stammers as Quinn watches her intently explaining herself "My mind hasn't ceased replaying it over and over again" she continues, not knowing how to actually verbalize what's on her mind.

"Finn's a moron" Quinn comments over the silence, but she doesn't look at that convinced of her own words "Don't let him affect you-"

_"You know, that's something I hate about you two, you keep on trying to date me" he comments as she stands up and steps up to Finn, who looks red and evidently pissed "but then insist on spending more time with each other than with me!"_

"The thing is - he's actually right" Rachel interrupts her, shaking her head "Finn said I would rather evidently spend time with you than with him, my _boyfriend"_ she chuckles nervously as Quinn tilts her head at her. Rachel keeps talking, it's coming all out like waves down her mouth and she can't stop it, it just flows out "And since it happened, instead of mourning the broken relationship, all I could think about is how much I wanted to tell _you_ , Quinn"

Quinn stares at her and her eyes are wide in a way that tickles Rachel's curious nature.

Her eyes move from Quinn's eyes to surprisingly trembling lips and the way that the blonde is biting them makes Rachel's heart soar uncontrollably.

She can't find the words to say what she truly wants to say and it's exasperating in all the ways that maybe a song could help her, but it's not a very good moment to break into song.

"I just need to know something" Rachel declares exasperated and the way that that pale throat moves up and down as Quinn's swallows tightly entices Rachel to follow it with the tip of her fingers and not just her eyes.

"What - ?" The blonde mutters huskily, her voice low as the moment is suspended into an abyss of possibilities.

And Rachel skirts her fingers higher on the skin, up to a soft cheek and hazel eyes follow her movements and the brunette shakes her head, reeling back as she realizes what is happening.

She was about to kiss Quinn.

Most clearly, Rachel wants to kiss Quinn and this isn't definitely how she could proceed.

"Oh my-" The diva whispers, standing from the piano bench and turning around to look away, anywhere, but at the girl sitting next to the piano.

She breathes out deeply in and out, before hiding her face behind her hands as the moment washes over her.

A night of bad sleep truly can mess you up, huh?

"Rachel"

"I - I have to make - to take something from my locker, before class" 

The excuse spills and drips messily over the stage and the situation, but Rachel can't bother to care as she walks off the stage and almost runs towards the hallway.

Leaving a very confused Quinn behind on her own, probably wondering what is wrong with Rachel.

God, she wishes she had a response to that.

* * *

But escaping the blonde isn't as effective as Rachel supposed it could be, after all, both share way too many classes to make that possible and they end up finding each other, just a few minutes after the brunette ran out of the auditorium.

"Hey" Rachel greets quietly, moving her eyes up from her notebook as she observes the blonde standing at the entry of the classroom watching her.

Her words escape her mouth before she can even censor them and Rachel wants to slap herself.

"Hi" Quinn replies simply, moving to the seat beside Rachel and the easiness of the days before is long gone, they are evidently awkwardly dancing around the other and it's painful in a way that not even when they were enemies it was present.

Both are tensely sitting next to the other and Rachel would give everything to take back her foolish mistake.

"I think we need to talk about _it"_ the blonde suddenly says, lowering her voice as more students walk inside the classroom.

Rachel tries to not cringe at the word _it,_ she just wants Quinn to replace it with _how you almost_ _kissed me_ and cut to the chase, but she can't even look at her in the eyes.

"Talk?" The diva asks confused, rearranging the pencils on the desk by length and swallowing "What's there to talk about?" Rachel questions, sending a curious look at the blonde, forcing herself to look at hazel deep eyes.

Quinn seems just as comfortable at her as she opens her mouths twice without speaking, before just dropping the words on the table.

"Our duet" 

Rachel closes her mouth soundly as everything rushes in, the auditorium, the duet, _Fast Car_ , the confession, the _almost_ kiss _._

"Sure" She replies and the innocent card is cheap, but Rachel doesn't care at this point, she's embarrassed, confused, maybe even a little mad at, at herself, at Finn, even a little at Quinn, but she stuffs inside her pocket and moves forward "What do you wanna talk about it?" 

Quinn clears her throat, opening her notebook and concentrating on it, evidently evading her eyes "We should schedule a practice" the blonde says evenly "It's due Thursday, we still got time, but, I know perfection matters to you just as much as it does to me" 

The comment makes it somehow worse as Rachel sends a confused look at Quinn, who's still evading her eyes.

The classroom starts to fill with more students as the bell rings and Quinn moves her gaze up, but quickly moves it down again.

"I suppose we can arrange something" Rachel inquires, interested, but trying to not act like she is, moving her gaze down to the notebook. When she stopped caring about Glee club and started putting her personal affairs before her future, she truly doesn't know, maybe at the same time she started a friendship that isn't a friendship and flushed her relationship down the drain "After Finn and I perform, of course" she notes dejectedly.

And the blonde turns to her with curious eyes, finally meeting her eyes dead on "You're still gonna sing with him?" Quinn replies and Rachel looks with a frown.

Yes, Finn and her.

Because they are still supposed to sing together, tomorrow, like the couple everyone thinks they still are.

However, before Rachel can explain herself to Quinn, the teacher is entering the classroom and all chat is cut as his voice looms over the space.

Her words die at her tongue and something tells her this will be the start of a very confusing time as Quinn turns to face the whiteboard, not glancing back.

* * *

Rachel breathes heavily as the notification for the new tweet comes, she's serving the plates for dinner as her parents are already seated at the table.

But she quickly moves down the porcelain as she unlocks the screen and opens the app.

_all the words i could never tell you_ :

_hanging by a thread of hope_

_dancing merrily around the snow_

_it doesn't feel this cold if there's a chance_

_but the ice melts with the season_

_and maybe I'm just dancing for no reason_

She swallows tightly, gracing her fingertips around the screen, rereading the words as the knot forms on her heart.

If Quinn truly is the owner of the account…

...It would mean that Quinn is writing these poems about her.

"Hope" Rachel repeats out loud, closing her eyes and thinking about her own fingers caressing skin that isn't her own, skipping them around a body that didn't belong, looking at lips for a reason she doesn't even know.

Did she inadvertently give hope to her friend when her mind was drunk on something stronger than what Rachel could handle?

Suddenly, the sound of a new text breaks her thoughts away and Rachel frowns as she reads the words.

_we have to talk_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> and did you like it? give me your thoughts and comments!


End file.
